charles-oi

Alizée is almost here!

2008-06-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

As amazing and weird as it may sound the french singer Alizée is having a lot of success here in Mexico so after canceling an autograph signing at the last minute some months ago she will return this week to perorm 5 shows in Mexico (2 of them in Mexico city) and I will attend one of them next Wednesday.

Even thought I'm not a HUUUGE fan I do like her as well as her music because her lyrics are always weird and sometimes talk about nonexistent situations and I think that's really valuable 'cos it's original, however most French people find her silly and dumb. As far as I know she will only have 1 gig in France, 1 in Russia and 5 in Mexico! that's quite strange especiall 'cos it's nto as if her fans knew how to speak French :S I browsed her official forum some weeks ago and only 3 members could speak French so they were teaching the rest of the members short phrases i case they meet Ali (like they call her).

I'm pretty excited about it so I hope it's a good show and if I'm able to I'm gonna take some pics for you to get an idea of it!

I'm feeling dog-tired

2008-06-16T14:54:00.000-07:00

After a kinda hectic weekend... it all started on saturday night when we were supposed to pick up my brother at 11:30 pm at the airport... eventually the arrival of his flight changed to 12:30 am so when we arrived at the airport we started to try to spot him but we couldn't! so my parents asked 2 policemen hat wear near if they knew anything about my brother's flight so they said it arrived at 12:00 am and that most of the people that were in that fligt went to another gate. So we went to another gate and tried to find him but again we couldn't but this time my mum found his flight on the arrivals screens so we realised he wouldn't arrive until 2:30 am ..... (the policemen lied :S).

After we resigned to the fact that we would have to wait until 3:45 am for my brother to arrive (the flight was delayed again) we went to a restaurant and had something to eat and drink, after waiting a long time my sister and I feel asleep haha in the middle of the restaurant :P but anyway my brother arrived at 3:50 am so we got home at 5:00 am but I went to bed at 6:00 am 'cos I had to was my face and my teeth (it takes me a lot of time, believe me).

Next day I woke up at 11:00 am 'cos it was father's day so we were going to have a family gathering to celebrate it, throughout the day I tried to get some sleep by escaping to my bedroom but my parents would alwas wake me up 'cos it was lunchtime or 'cos someone was about to leave and I had to say goodbye...

After a loooong time

2008-06-09T20:01:00.000-07:00

I'm back again, I know I stopped posting some months ago but it's just that I really didn't feel like blogging mainly because school was keeping me very busy with all my subjects and also because I kinda had an active social life.

I think I should start by saying I'm very happy with my friends t university because even though they're not gay I've been feeling a bit more comoftable with them as tie passes by and that's just great. Some months ago I even slept at the house of one of them after this nice party we had, and for me that's kinda good 'cos I hadn't stayed at a friend's house for 2 or 3 years now.
Some of my new friends and me!

In terms of my sexuality I've been having quite alot of changed when it comes to my mood about it because I'm starting to appreciate Gil, my gay friend, more and more. He said we could have soemthing in the future and that made me feel happy however nothing has happened until now but I'm not mad nor sad.. I will just let things flow. On the "kinky" side, loads of things have happened aswell 'cos about 2 weeks ago I went out with Gil and the rest of the "gay gang" lol and well despte having a geat day with Gil and watching sme movies with him I got sucked for the first time (!!) lol it was something nice and kinda spontaneous and it happened with a guy I met that day (friend of Gil). The weirdest part of it is that it all happened in the terrace of a gay club haha however I didn't do anything inappropriate and no-one noticed it!

Last but not least I'm also really happy with myself because I came out to one of my closest friend. He studies architecture as well and we're together almost all the time, it was a great thing because wlel we've known eachthe sice we were in primary school (he's from my hometown as well) and well he told me he's ok with it, 'cos he's bi so it's nice because from now on I'll be able to be my lef with him and it just feel amazing!

(Poncho and me, he's the friend I came out to)

In terms of school I'm currently free because my summer holidays started almost 2 weeks ago, I have 2 months off and it feels great. I've been relaxing during this time however I do get bored from time to time so that's why I applied for 2 jobs, at a coffee shop and at a magazines shop, I don't relly know it they will call me back but I really hope so because I wanna do smething productive and I'm really xcited about what would be my first job :D

Changing the routine

2008-04-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

Every thursday me and 2 of my mates suffer, literally, 'cos of this 3 hours class we have. The thing is that even though it's not the most difficult class in the world te teacher, who's got a really nrrow-minded mentality in all aspects, seems to love to see us suffering :P especially when she checks our projects bt anyway yestrday after I was done with her homework I was feeling a bit unsure about it 'cos I didn't know if it was ok so I was affraid of failing but as I was taking a shower I realised I shouldn't feel scared 'cos I knew I had done my best even though it took me more hours to finish than it took to my mates, so toda when the Architect checked my mates' projects she made them change their whole projects and when m turn came she didn't correct anything about mine.

I must admit it felt very good, of couse not 'cos I did well and my mates didn't, I just thught about me and I was feeling happy 'cos norally I tend to be the one that takes more time in doing things whithout gtting better results and this time it wasn't like that so I felt very happy.

After our class one of my friends asked me to go to the movies, he's the one I've known for all my life, so I said yes even though I wasn't THAT excited abut going but I ust thought it'd be nice 'cos we really didn't have to work on our home work and I was feeling happy. We saw "Jumper" and to be honest I expected it to be a crappy movie but to my surprise I really enjoyed even though I'm not into that kinda movies, it's an interesting story and the special effects are good lol I liked it so much that when we went out of the cinema I told him "I'd so love to be like him" haha I know it's a bit odd but I really felt like that and it's the first time tat it happens to me with a movie so I was really happy. When we were on our way to my home we decided to buy some coffe and donuts 'cos we were feeling a bit hungry and well as we were eating our donuts we just started to talk about how nice it is to brear our routines, we also talked about living on our own and visitng our families every weekend and since he's going to NY in a few monts we also talked about the excitement of traveling alone well he's going with 2 friends but they're gonna travel on their own) so I also mentionedhow happy I was when I went to Chicago on my own... Im not gonna makethis post longer, I just wanna emphasize how great it was for me to live thisday like this because it made me realize how proud I m of myself and also howhappy I feel about my current situation even if it's not the best one or a correct one... I prefer to be valuable than pretending o hvea "happy/perfect" life like most people.

Heres a recent pic of me (taken last Thursday), my friend (Poncho) is the one that next to me.

Thank you brother

2008-03-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd actually post something like this about my brother 'cos as you all know we don't have loads of things in common however lately I have been discovering that he's changed a little bit, of course he's still shallow and less "rational" than me but I totally respect him, anyway I'm posting about him 'cos this weekend he has taught me not to take anger in a personal way.

It all happened yesterday when we were having lunch at my grandmother's house, I was feeling a bit moody 'cos I just couldn't feel comfortable in that family environment and well I always sit next to my grandmother (I'm her spoilt nephew :P) and she's always nice with me but again since I was feeling a bit uncomfortable I felt desperate and suddenly mhen I was eating my soup my brother took a pictre of me with his phone and everyone laughed so I just couldn't stand it and I told him in an angry way to quit bothering me (He had been taking pictures of me all day long). I just couldn't help reacting that way because of the thoughts and feelings I had so I reacted in that way but I felt a bit guilty afterwards 'cos it wasn't his fault but I thought "You need to have your own personality and if that action made u feel angry then it's ok to express it" however it wasn't only the fact that everyone laughed because he took the picture, I was also feeling out of place and a bit angry so I thought that maybe I had been a bit harsh on my brother and I knew he would be mad at me but to my surprise after a few hours he was joking with me again and to be honest I felt a relief 'cos I didn't mean to be so rude and well this made me think about my brother's reaction towards anger 'cos today I noticed that my mum got mad at him and well after a few hours he was joking with her again.

I feel really happy about finding out this because from now on I'm gonna try to be like that 'cos it's healthier... in the end anger is just a feeling and like we all know life isn't always pink so of course we'll have little fights or angry moments with the people that surround us since it's something natural but we should never think that just because of an angry moment we're gonna stop talking to someone or we're gonna lose him/her -in some cases it can be like that but it would be 'cos the other person decides it -.

Wishin' and hopin'

2008-03-18T10:23:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to update my blog during the last weeks because I had been really busy with school and some mixed up changes in my life.

I must admit that since I met my gay friend things have been easier for me in some aspects because well at least I can have fun with him and his friends and at the same time I'm learning more about myslf and the "gay side" I hadn't been able to develop before and that's great 'cos it's part of my personality (lol I'm not talkign about turning into a woman haha). In the beginning I wasn't 100% sure about hanging out with them 'cos some of them are like really girly fom time to time and I'm not like that but after thinking it oer I realised I shouldn't be so strict with myself because I can still have fun with them even if we're no 100% the same so I'm gad I refelcted about it. Of course I've been visitnig some gay bars and well I'm still a bit shy when it comes to flirting but I'm not ashamed or worried about it, I'm sure it'll happen when the time is right and I'm glad I kn this way because even if I'm not 100% aware of it I knwo that this changes in my life are or better and they will help me to deelop myself as a man.

On the other hand school has also been keeping me a bit pressured and well thankfully I have been handlig this in the right way mainly because of my friends´ advices 'cos we always do homework together and stuff like that so it's a bit easier but well my gay life and school are not the only things that have ben keeping me busy, stressed or sad.. right now I'm having a 2 weeks break from school so I've returned to my real home and well I've been facing some uncomfortable feelings, feelings that used to bother me back when I was in High School, I forget them when I'm at Uni 'cos over there I can be myself however everytime I come back home I can't help remembering them. I like being the way I am and I don't care about what other people think but sometimes I just can't explain to myself why am I so different to any regular guy who's my age, why don't I feel interested in driving or why do I like artists that no-one else over here cares about.. so that's why rigt now I'm just wishin' and hopin' to find an answer.

Some Uni friends and me having breakfast during our lunch time, we worked as staff for this worlwide Architecture congress called Arquine.

A night out with some mates, it happened last Thursday lol I was really really excited 'cos the DJ played a remix of "Spice Up Your Life" as well as "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" by the Scissor Sisters.

True friendship

2008-03-06T16:07:00.000-08:00

During this week I've been feeling a lot of pressure because of Uni, I think it's one of the most hectic weeks I've had since I started to study Architecture and well as a consequence of that I've been feeling a bit down/stressed/angry and well yesterday we had a class with a terrible teacher who seems to be really calmed down and nice but well in reality she's a b*** lol normally I'm not like that when it comes to teachers but it's the first time I feel so mad about a teacher's attitude.

The thing is that each and every class she asks for a certain work to be done and in the end she tells you your projects needs to be changed in this and that way and every time you ask her for a "green light" so that you can handle it in she makes a correction .... !! anyway, yesterday we had this special day at the Uni to celebrate the Uni's day :P so no-one was supposedto have classes however Achitecture's Principal decided we should have classes so we did have classes and the class of this teacher was the last one so we asked to let us go out instead of having the class and she was just like "Ok, but you'll have more work for the next class, just handle in your homeworks.... if you didn't finish them you can do that right now" (it all sounded perfect!) however we had to work 3 hours (the actaul time of the class) on our homework 'cos she carried on aksing us for more and more details :S I was really angry lol I even felt like breaking my plastic pen but I decided I would just focus on working so that I could leave "early".

I was really focused on my work and suddenly my roommate (the one I used to fancy and who also studies Architecture) hit my back 'cos he made a joke bus I was so angry/pressured/stressed that I automatically turned around and removed his hand of my body so hard that it bounced on the table that was on my back ... of course I didn't do it with a bad intention, I didn't even felt like doing it but my brain reacted in that way 'cos I was really focused, my roommate didn't tell me anything, he just told another friend "What's wrong with him?". As soon as he finished his job he left the classroom and well by tha time I was less stressed 'cos I was about to finish as well so I started to think abou what happened, I felt awful so when I was on my way home with a friend I told him "I think I've got mental problems, I really didn't feel like doing that to my roommate, it happened automatically... I think I won't be able to talk with him to say sorry 'cos I feel really ashamed" and my friend was just like "Don't worry, I'm sure he didn't take it personal" however I couldn't help feeling extremely guilty and ashamed because it was the first time I did that to a friend.

A couple of hours later after I had dinner I decided I had to go to his bedroom so that I could talk with him, I stayed frozen infront of his door like for 5 minutes 'cos I felt I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes and say sorry but well I decided I should just knock without thinking about the way I was feeling and as soon as I knocked and said "It's me" he was just like "What's up, come on in" so I entered his bedroom and started to say how ashamed and sorry I felt and he said "Don't worry about that honestly, I know you well and I know that u reacted in that way 'cos were stressed, you're not like that so if you made that is because you were focused, I don't even feel bad or anything I totally understand it" however I carried on expressing my repentance and he started to laugh and said "You know, you make me laugh 'cos you carry one feeling sorry even though I have told you you don't have anythign to worry about" lol after 20 minutes of talking about it I felt ok and we carried on talking as if nothing had happened. This made me feel really happy and lucky about having him as a friend and roommate because he showed me how true our friendship is and I think it'sthe first time it happens to me with a "real" friend and it feels nice, when I left his bedroom I thanked him for everything and he was just like "You don't have to say thank you". I was feeling really happy and amazed, honestly, it's great knowing that someone cares about you; of course I know I couldn't tell him I'm gay 'os he's really narrow-minded and he is totally straight but well at this point I don't think that the fact that he doesn't knwo i'm gay is somehitng that can make me feel uncomfortable 'cos it doens't matter when it comes to our relationship.

Here's a pic of me with him, he's the guy with the wite cap.

Good times

2008-02-29T22:57:00.000-08:00

As most of you might know by now my life has been experiencing some small changes that have made me shift in a good way, right now I think that besides making a dream come true by meeting VB and seeing the Spice Girls live the fact that I have met another gay guy who seems to like me (as a friend) has made me see life from a different point of view; I mean it's not as if my whole world had changed but at least now I feel more comfortable 'cos I have experienced a world in which I'm allowed to be myself without being criticized and well the funny thing about this is that because of the way I had lived until I met Gil (my gay friend) sometimes I'm "ashamed" of doing certain things I feel like doing when I'm with him 'cos I have that social mark that makes me think I'm being girly or gay, however I'm working on that because I think it's time for me to start living my life lol I know his might sound a bit "optimist" but I really think a good change is coming and I love that feeling, in fact I think it's something I took for granted since when I reflected about my grand mother's death a couple f days ago... so let's just wait and see what happens!

A great escape for me whenever I feel a bit outta place or uncomfortable while I'm at Uni orwith my mates has been my iPod.. yeah I sing along and dance around while I listen to some of my favourite tunes, I must admit it's a great medicine.

I love her !

2008-02-25T22:40:00.000-08:00

Natasha Bedingfield is one of my favourite artists, I first discovered her back in 2005 when she was promoting her first album in Europe (Yeah .. I always get into other countries' music ha). When I first saw her video for "These Words" (whic later trned into a smash hit all over the world) I thought the concept was really original and fresh as well as the song, as I carried on discovering the rest of her singles until that stage ("Single" and "Unwritten") I fell i love with her especially 'cos of her amazing lyrics, when I realised the album was being sold over here in Mexico I immediately bought it and I enjoyed ever song on it.

When I read about her plans to make it in the US I thought she'd be a huge flop 'cos well US people are not into that kinda music however she really amazed me because her debut single "Unwritten" (alongside with a new video) achieved a lot of fame in the US so as a consequence her debut album was big in te US as well, I fetl really happy and proud of her because I know she deserves that and more since she's a true artist.

Last year she released her second album in Europe, N.B., and to be honest I expected more from it however I liked it and felt happy when her first single from N.B., "I Wanna Have Your Babies", charted at number 7 in the UK however I was sure that if she released that song in the US she'd flop for real bt again.. the clever lady knew she had to work on something stronger in order to carry on with her success in the US so not so long ago she released her second album in the US; Pocketful Of Sunshine, which is almost as perfect as her first album. I can say I love every song on that album however there's one that I could say is the best one and it's called "Freckles" I can say I feel really identified with that song because of the lyrics, I never thought I was an ugly guy or anything like that but anlazying the song from a deeper side I was really excited when I listened to the chorus because it's really true and special. All can say right now is that she's a great musician and well I jus love this song, wheever I listen it I feel chills down my spine 'cos it really motivates me... here are the lyrics:

hum, hum, hum...hum, hum
i used to care so much about what others think about
i almost didn't have a thought of my own
the slightest remark would make me embark of the journey of self - doubt
but that was a while ago
this girl has got stronger
and if i knew then what i know now i would've told myself don't worry any longer
it's ok...

cuz a face without freckles is like a sky without the stars
why waste a second, not loving who you are
those little imperfections make you beautiful, loveable, valuable
they show your personality...inside your heart

reflecting who you are
(who you are, who you are, who you are) whoa ooh whoa ooh whoa
yea, yea, uh

i wondered if i could trade my body with somebody else in magazine
Would the whole world fall at my feet
I fell down, worthy
& would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
when the mirror looked at me
(some times I feel)
Sometimes i still feel like the little girl who doesnt belong in her own world
but im getting better at reminding myself...

Chicago !!

2008-02-24T09:44:00.000-08:00

I so wanted to post my pics/review aout my trip to Chicago a couple of days ago bt I hadn't had time because of my hectic week at school and the detah of my grand mother however right now I have time to do it... :D

I must say it was the best trip I've ever made lol and this time I had no problems with the US officers at the airport, I loved everything besides the fact that I was fooled by a man who took me from the airport to my hotel and asked me to pay him 168 dlls. (the regular fare is 40 dlls.!!) didn't complain about it 'cos he seemed to be a "rude" man so I didn't want to get in troubles. Anyway besides that incident my trip was perfect, I loved every moment; going to the supermarket on my own, walking to the stores/malls to do some shopping, meeting new people like the couple tha were next to me in the concert or the ladies who were staying in my hotel and who were also going to see the Spice Girls live, I even met an online friend from the US and I also saw a friend from Russia (I regret about not metting him.. but I could lose my place in the queue to meet Victoria Beckham!). Everything was perfect, I even had the chance of meeting Victoria Beckham and even though I wasn't able to have a pic with her 'cos the cameras andthe flashes made her feel nervous she gve me her autograph and told me I've got nice teeth which is really flattering.

The concert was amazing as well, I was on my feet the whole way through and I screamed like a crazy man, lol my lungs and my throat still hurt haha but I dont' care, I danced like I had never daned before an even though I was on my own I had an amazing time, I sang every song and wlel I jumped like a little kid haha I can say it's one of the best moments in my life.

Chicago River..frozen

The Spice Girls singing "Mama" with their kids on stage and their mummies on the screens.

Outside of a Presbyterian Church that was next to my hotel.

LOL I couldn't help smiling haha.

The Magnificent Mile illuminated.

The end ofthe concert after 2 hours 20 min aprox.

After performing as a 4 piece band Geri returns to the stage with them :D

LOL I was really excited after I met Victoria, I had to take a picture of me holding her autograph.

Upside Down..

2008-02-24T09:20:00.000-08:00

First of all I wanna say sorry for this belated post but it's just that well even though one week ago I was the happiest guy on earth because I saw the Spice Girls live in Chicago and I met Victoria Beckham last Thursday my dad's mum died so we've been really down and well that kept me busy because we had to go to her burrial and all that stuff. I must admit it has been shocking for me 'cos it the first time that I lose a family member since I turned into a mature guy so yeah I have been feeling sad and of course I couldn't help crying for her, I can tell you it's a nice feeling knowing that you have a strong family and well of course knowing that even though my grand mother is dead now she left loads of things in me like her advices and comments that were always correct, it's a nice feeling for me and to be honest this kinda changed my life because it has made me realise that well all of us will die one day so it's not good to live my life that stressed or sad because well I'm just 19 years old and she was 92... I still have plenty of time to experience and discover different things, I'm not saying I'm going to turn into a wild guy... no, I'm just gonna strart to change some aspects of my life that could help me to be more happy and enthusiastic about life.

My brother phoned me the next morning afer my grand mother died (Friday) and even though I was sleeping I cried and felt a bit guilty because while she was dying I was partying with my friends.. I had no news about her so I wasn't worried, in fact I was really happy 'cos I was hanging out with my gay friend and my "normal" friends so I had a really nice time lol I really wanted to kiss him again but of course I couldn't do it 'cos the rest of my friends were there however we did have a nice time just for the two of us and w whispered to eachother's ears 'cos the music volume was too loud, sometimes I really think I would liek to have a relationship with him but I don't take it too seriously 'cos he hasn't shown interest in a relationship.. maybe it's too soon.. mabe it wn't happen? wo knows!

Here's a picture of us, my gay friend is the second one from right to left, lol you can see I had beard but it's only 'cos it was a busy week at school so I thought it'd be better to avoid shaving while I took a shower so that I could sleep more haha.

Some updates

2008-02-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

- My grandmother's got lung cancer and well the doctors say she'll live for no more than 2 weeks so things are a bit tense with my parents right now, yesterday we spent most of the day at her house and she seemed to be really down, when she went to bed she coudln't stop saying she's affraid that somehitng bad could happen to her, so my dad stayed with her for a long time until she felt asleep and well my dad, as my mum told me, was crying. She's 92 years old and thinking about her death makes me feel sad even though I undersatnd the fact that she's an old person and it's "normal" 'cos that's the way life goes, however this situation has made me reflect a lot about my life and the way I've lived it until now... I know I have to be less strict with myself 'cos well I'm alomst a baby compared to my grandmother and it's a bit silly for me to live life with all my "rules" 'cos when I get older I'll regret about being so strict when I was younger. I have also reflected about other things but this is probably the most important or me right now.

In this pic you can see my grandmother with her brother, some of my aunts, the husband of one of them and my dad on the upper left corner.

- I'm really really excited about my trip to Chicago next Thursday... and to make it even better a couple of days ago I read on the official Spice Girls web that Victoria will be signing some autographs at Saks 5th Avenue in Chicago on the 15th (the day of the concert) so if I'm lucky enough I might get the chance of having a picture taken with her which makes me feel even more excited!

Posh Spice looking stunning as usually.

- Right now I just can't get out of my head (LOL) the new Kylie's single, in US and UK, which is "WOW". I listen to it everyday lol even before I fall alseep I listen to it on my iPod, it's just an amazing song and it puts me in agood mood. Atomic Kitten have also been inside my head lately so I've been projecting myself with some of their hits singles like "If You Come To Me", "Ladies Night", "Be With You", "The Tide Is High (Get The Feeling)" and of course the latest one "Anyone Who Had A Heart".

You can see the videoclip for Kylie's sigle here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LnTrZYHK_II

Pop beauties Atomic Kitten performing "Be With You" live at their Greatest Hits Tour back in 2004.

- I'm also feelig happy 'cos even though I didn't hang out with Gil (the gay friend I met last week) this week we were able to have a niceMSN chat and he said we could go out for a coffee next week before I go tot Chicago so I'm looking forward to that as well.

- Last but not least last Thursday I went out with some friends who study Architecture as well and I must admit I had a really nice laugh, I felt really happy with them and this is something nice for me because I'm feeling that the little changes and reflections I've made in my life recently have helped me to develop myslef a bit more, I did have a rough time when everybody started to talk about the guys they suspect are gay in our generation and well also 'cos of their silly comments but I tried not to pay attention to that.

Hmm...

2008-02-04T21:14:00.000-08:00

Today I didn't have classes however I've just returned to my "home" here in Mexico city 'cos no-one was able to bring me here tomorrow morning but anyway I was having dinner with 2 housemates, one of them has just arrived and the other one is the one who likes S Club lol, and well we were kinda introducing ourselves to the new guy and my housemate didn't stop laughing/joking about the fact that I still miss my family from time to time just because we're a stable family in all the sense of the word, his parents are divorced and he can't stand them so he laughs at me 'cos I see my family every weekend but it's not my problem the fact that he doesn't miss his family 'cos they have probelms..

At first I found this a bit sad because I was just like "Oh God maybe he's right I'm a loser " but when I thought it over I realised there's nothing wrong with it, I mean it's my family after all and it's like my root, of course as time passes by things between my family and I will change because I need to grow up but maybe right now I just love them so much because of all the things I've gone through and all the efforts I know my parents make so that I can be the person I am so now I know I should've told this guy "You know what it's not your business if I see my family every weekend, if your life is different I don't care" or something like that so that he realizes he's no one to laugh at me, I have always known this but I used to think it would be rude to act in a rude way in those situations but after all I have to earn my respect and this guy has been joking around with me for a while now so I won´t allow that to happen anymore, I'm glad I can see things this way now because it's part of growing up as a person.

The time is coming..

2008-02-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

I can't believe next week I'll see the Spice Girls live lol I remember thinking about it some weeks ago and that date seemed to be far but now that I think about it it's next week lol I'm gonna sound like an idiot but I still can't believe I'm gonna see them, it's just as if time had flown away.

I'm very excitied about this because it will be my first proper concert ever and well.. it's not gonna be an average one, I had been to a concert once in my life before, I went to the concert of a mexican artist called Belinda like 4 years ago but only 'cos my friends wanted us to go however I can't wait to see the Spice Girls live.. it's like a dream come true for me.

Even though now I'm going on my own because the frind I was going with has an exam on that date I think my excitement will be worth all the nerves of traveling on my own and being on my own in the U.S. as long as I don't have the same bad expereince I had last year when I wnet to Houston Txs.

Surprise !

2008-02-01T19:52:00.000-08:00

Today (after I came back to earth because of what happened last night) I was going to meet a couple of friends in this popular american restaurant called "T.G.I. Friday's" and well this time I didn't feel "anti-social" at all because yeah meeting this gay guy yestrday made me feel really happy so I thought I'd go with them wihtout feeling down or out of place; however when I returned to my hometown, after my classes were over, another friend who studes with my sister invited me to celebrate the birthday of a friend of them in the same restaurant so I really didn't feel like going 'cos I was already going to be there with other firends at night so it'd have meant that I'd have spent lunch time and dinner time there however she convinced me of going 'cos we agreed we'd see echother more often a couple of months ago when we randomly saw echother at a mall.

Earlier this week I talked with my sister on MSN and she told me that her best friend missed me and all of my positive/funny comments so I told her it'd be nice if se invited her to our home on Friday so that we could catch up however even though she didn't invite her to our home 'cos of the restaurant plans they already had I saw her 'cos in the end I was also invited but what I liked about this is that well she really wanted to see me because when my sister and I entered to the restaurant she stood up of her chair and ran to me while she smiled and when we said "Hello" we hugged, I found this really really nice because well when I was in High School we used to have a lot of fun but I never thought she'd still care of me in terms of friendship because I had already started Uni but to my surprise she really missed me and I liked it 'cos I think it's nice when people show you they like you for who you are.

However things weren't THAT good as time passed away because well I saw other girl friends who study with my sister as well, but they really hate my sister and her best friend because they are more mature and also 'cos my sister and her friend are slim whereas they're a bit fat so well it's a long but quite common teenager's story however they adore me but today things changed between us because at a certain point they started to blow little pieces of napkins with straws which is something a bit disgusting 'cos they put them inside their mouths before blowing them so well my sister and her friend didn't like it but they never said somethig rude about it but when these girls found it out they started to laugh at my sister and her frend 'cos they considered them too "posh" and well it wasn't only that, they also started to say bad words to them (they didn't notice it but I did 'cos I was beside them) and well I felt really angry so I didn't talk to them anymore and when they asked me why was I mad ta them I told them "Because you were really rude with my sister nd her firend" and they said soemthng like "We didn't come here to fight" so didn't say anything else.

I must admit it was a bit sad but well I wasn't shocked because my sister had already told me about the rude things they to do her and her friend while they're at school.

This is a pic of my sister, her bets friend and me at the restaurant.

Oh what a night!

2008-02-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

LOL I'm a bit speechless about what happened to me last night, honestly, I could say it was one of the best nights I have ever had.

The thing is that, as I posted it some weeks ago, I went out with gay guy who's friend of a friend of mine and wow I just can't stop smiling everytime I think about it. He's good looking, he's a bit tall, he's got really nice eyes haha and well yeah he's got a nice personality. When he picked me up he was acting a bit girly and I felt a bit shocked but as we felt more comfortable I made a comment about his personality and he was just like "I've got loads of them lol u'll get to know them with time" and yeah I noticed he's not only "girly" as the night carried us away, we went to a very famous gay avenue here in Mexico city called "Zona Rosa" (Pink Zone). First we went to a coffee and we had a nice chat there, he told me about his gay life about the bf's he's had and well yeah I aslo talked about my gay life and stuff like that, I must admit I felt like a naive guy 'cos it wasn't only the fact that I was with a nice gay guy, it was also the fact that for the first time I visited a gay place and obviously there were loads of gay couples there and they were kisisng lol so I told him "You know what, it's the first time I see that" -referring to a gay kiss- and he was just like "Oh really?" and I said "Yes" so he aproached to me and said "Do it" ... gosh I felt really shocked and nervous and at first I thought about saying "No" 'cos well it was the 2nd time we hanged out bu I thought it over and said to myeslf "You don't have to pretend, it's not somehting rude just do it jackass" so I did it and wow I must say I enjoyed it it felt really nice hha I tried to do my best however my friend told me he prefers kisses that start little by little so we did it again :D well it wasn't like an ever lasting kiss but it was nice.

After that we went to a gay club and again I saw loads of gay couples, I got a nice feeling ad I felt good; I mea for the first time I was able t be myself without feeling worried or pressured well I did feel abit of pressure when I met other friends of my friend 'cos they were all like a bit shocked (I guess in a bad way) when they knew it was my first "gay" night ever but well I was already prepared for that so I didn't let it spoil the moment. We carried on chatting and well did hae a nce time however I know i'tll take me some time to get into the whole gay world just like my friend told me but I don't mind that 'cos it's better than changing my personality just to fit in quicker.

One thing I must say is that I really felt comfortable wth him, I mean yeah maybe it'd be obvious since it was my first gay night eer but it's not only that, I really liked his personality as well as his ideas about sex, he's careful about it, and well I kno it was my first time but I liked kissing him, lol after he left me at home I cuoldn't stop thining about it and "feeling" his lips however I don't really knnow what's in the future for us but as long as we carry on being friends I'm happy, he's the kinda guy I was expecting to meet and well it's happened now maybe in the future we'll have a relationship but I dunno (He said he only kisses good looking guys after he kissed me XD) and I prefer not to think about it, I'll let if flow the way it comes.

So well thb I never thought I'd see this day so soon so I feel really happy, I know he understood my anxiety/excitement so I'm ok with that because it has allowed me to see life in a different perspective 'cos at leats now I know I have a good friend (if nothign chnages) and well he's brought something I was missing in my life.

LOL there's no need to explain why did I post this pic.

They're back !!

2008-01-26T16:00:00.001-08:00

Atomic Kitten have decided to release a new single (out next monday) as part of The Number One Project (The 3 members are from Liverpool and Liverpool is the city that has had more artists who achieved number 1 singles in the world so they're celebrating it with this project but it also coincides with Liverpool achieving the title of City of the Culture in 2008) however they did bother in filming a great video, it's really nice to have an AK video after all these years, and they visited GMTV studios to have a little chat and perform the new single "Anyone Who Had A Heart". Jenny was feeling a bit sick so she didnt´t look good while they performed but it's a nice performance, I must admit I love Natasha's moves.

I think they're a great band 'cos even though they called it a day in 2004 they promised to carry on as band in the future and they have done it for real, back in 2005 they re-released their number 1 hit "Cradle" as a charity single and they also released "All Together Now" back in 2006 as part of the official Football World Cup's soundtrack alongside Goleo VI not forgetting the fact that they gave a concert in Asia on my 18th b-day (Dec 31st 2006) and well this year they're back with a new single.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=76UQ52LWtjU&feature=related

Here's the clip of the performance live at The Number One Project gig which took place on January 19th.

I'm feeling all mixed up

2008-01-26T14:30:00.000-08:00

This week was a bit weird for me, on monday I was feeling ok, nothing special about it, however on Tuesday I started to feel really depressed because I noticed that this guy who lives in my house and studies Architecture, Oscar, was well was having fun with other guys and well even though I've made up my mind and I know he's not a potential bf I do feel something for him so I couldn't help feeling sad and jealous but in a good way, to make things even worse one of my new housemates said that I was annoying because of my happiness he said "You're just like a character from Disney's Enchanted movie" and well yeah I know I have a happy personality and I also know some people might find it annoying but I just felt like trash so that day after we had dinner I just decided to go take a shower and go to sleep immediately, I didn't feel like chattin' with all of my housemates 'cos I was feeling miserable, so I went downstairs and started to brush my teeth while I was litening to some sad songs on my iPod, I couldn't help crying 'cos I felt as if I wasn't a human, I even looked at my wrist and imagined this whole shitty suicide panorama. After some minutes I realised Oscar was outise of my bathroom so when I saw him I just pretended nothign was happening and he didn't realise I had been crying and well he was there to tell me about a girl who fancies him and well he said I looked stranged and asked me if everything was ok and I sad "Yes" , I htuoght about talkign with him but this time I decided it would be a better idea to shut up because he's always saying I play the "victim" role.This carried on all the way through Thursday and well that day I helpd a friend whose parents have decided to split up, he felt comfortable talkign about it with me, he even cried and I was glad I could help him so that mde me feel better 'cos I felt happy about helping him.

So it wasn't a nice week at all however I did learn very useful things for life yesterday when I was talking with my dad and my sister, they picked me up, and I'm proud of that 'cos they taught me education always has a limit, and sometimes we get to a poin where we prefer to avoid our opinion so that we don't seem to be rude but that's silly 'cos in the end our personality is always first.

This is me and the girl who fancies my friend, we're in her bedroom lol actually I "like" her 'cos she knows Atomic Kitten, Liberty X, Sugababes, Girls Aloud.. since she studied in Ireland some time ago.

He's another housemate, he's a bit funny and sometimes I suspect he's gay 'cos of his persnality but he has mentioned an ex gf however he likes S Club haha

WOW

2008-01-19T13:48:00.000-08:00

First of all I wanna say sorry for my lack of updates this week, I returned to college and well I had a nice comeback, it was nice to see my friends again as well as meeting 2 new house mates and I can't coplain about the teachers I chose so I'm quite happy, I'm liking it a bit more.

Anyway yesterday (Friday) I returned to my home as I do almost every weekend while I study in Mexico, almost everyone at home was feeling in a nice mood 'co my brother would go to Detroit for 1 week as part of of a school trip, which cnsited in visiting different car factories as well as going to a Car's show/expo. which is on of the most important ones in the world, my brother loves cars just as much as I love music, and well he was really excited about it.

After we had lunch my dad said we'd go out 'cos my brother wanted to search for a suit sice we have a cousin's wedding soon so we went out and after we visited a store my dad told me we'd go to an electronics store wich is also a huge stationary so I wentwith him andmy brother and my sister stayed in the car, when I was there I asked him why were there and he tld me he was going to buy a new laptop for my brother (:S), i felt a bit surprised 'cos well he had just paid my brother's trip to Detroit + he was going to give him money to spend there but I didn't say anything 'cos in the end it's not my money and well I already know how selfish my brother is, anyway after some minutes I got desperate and asked my dad if I could give him a notebook and a pen I wanted to buy so that he could pay them as soon as he paid the laptop and I went to the car with my sister.

When I started to tell her about the laptop she got really mad and she started to explain me a lot of little things that made her feel so mad about it because of my dad's attitude towards her whenever she asks him for something (even ifit's a stupid chocolate, my dad compains about going to a supermarket so that she can buy one!) and well my brother told him he wanted to get the laptop before his trip and my dad said yes and decided to buy it... my sister was really mad, her voice sounded really angry and she had tears in her eyes and of course in that moment I felt really sorry for her (I'm teary now indeed) because I understand her but of course there's not a lot of thing that I can do so I just told her that she sould talk with my parents about it and well I said phrase that my dad taught me a few years ago when I lost a good "friend" (my first gay crush) "Everything falls down because of it´s own weight" and I said this because well my brother normally has a rude attitude towards my dad because of his personaity and his way of driving and yesterday he was acting as if that didn't bother to him and well aso 'cos he had been a bit stubborn about getting a new laptop (he's a material person).

While we were on our way home I couldn't help letting a few tears out 'cos I was feelingsad for my sister and also for my dad because I know he lovesmy brother and it seems as if my brother only cared about money and I also felt bit sorry for the sik personality my brother has and well when we got home my brother started to pack his luggage so time passed by a bit quickly, he asked me to lend him one of my hats because the temperature in Dteroit would be of -14ºC , we a laugh while he was trying my hats (I couldn't show my anger towards him 'cos I was also feling sorry) . After he packed his luggage he remembered to take out his Passport and his Visa and when he did it he realised that his Passport was expired..... I was with him in that moment and I didn't know what to say, I thought he'd hit me or something but he didn't he just said "Why didn't I check this before".. he was gutted and well he told my parents who din't know what to say or do, I suggestted my dad to cancel the airplane tckets so that he could go later but well I don't know what they decided to do, my sister said "You're the only one who thinks in this family 'cos my parets don't say anything about it" but well it's not my parents fault either.

Anyway this was really shocking because when I told my sister that he wouldn't go becauseo his expired password we remembered what had tsaid earlier about things falling down because of their own weight however we din't have that much time to react about this because my mum told us that my dad's mum (our grandmother) was really ill, she's 91 year old and well she's having breathing problems, my mum also said my dad cried (I have never ever seen him crying) and well I'm not being pessimist but I'm almost sure that she'll die soon so well as u guys can see I had quite a terrible Friday evening/night... I haveto admit I learnt a lot of things about life and I'm sure this will be smething I'll keep in mind anytime someone tells me I worry about some important things 'cos if I wasn't like that I'd have the same experience my brother has just had.

LOL at my slowness

2008-01-13T11:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was at a store with my sister and we were in the fashion/teens magazines section, lol every time we're there I try to camouflage myself among the rock magazines so that my parents don't see me browsing fashion magazines and well my sister showed me a "Teen Vogue" issue about prom dresses 'cos her graduation party will be next summer so we were trying to find nice dresses and suddenly while we were luaghing I saw a really handsome man grabbing a issue of a magazine I was browsing so immediately thought "He only recahed it for his gf or his daughter" and well I just couldn't stop staring at him as he got the magazine, to my surprise when I turned around he was actually browsing the magazine!! and he was just like 3 steps off me lol I felt really nervous and when he looked at me I just turned around as if I was trying to look for someone.

When my sister finished browsing that magazine we walked a little bit 'cos she wanted to show me a bracelet or something like that haha I couldn't pay attention to her 'cos I was still staring at that man so I could notice that as soon as we walked a little bit he walked a little bit too so that he could be near to us, he went to the Sports magazines section and while I was with my sister I would look at him and when I turned around I noticed he was looking at me too, so that's when I realised he was a bit interested in me, unfortunately after that my sister wanted to show me something else so we walked a bit more and this time he waked to the place where we had just been so we carried on exchanging glances until we got coser, lol my sister wanted us to see another bracelet again, and gosh I felt really excited, this time we looked at echother's eyes and it felt nice however I wasn't able to say someting 'cos I felt ashamed and also 'cos my sister was there so he started to act as if he was a bit desperate and unfortunately my sister showed me something so I had to stp focusing on him.... when I least expected it he was walking out o the store.

I have to admit this was really nice 'cos honesly he looked really really goregous and well I was also surprised 'cos he wa sinterested in me but well it was te first time something like this happened to me so I couldn't handle it.

LOL yeah, felt as if I was in Mika's surreal world but it didn't last that much, however it made me feel happy.

Time for some new pics

2008-01-11T21:18:00.000-08:00

Taken on Wednesday when I went to a coffee to make my schedule and to catch up with some Highschool friends.

She's the only oe that knows I'm gay, lol I look a bit tired hehe almst like a zombie 'cos I've been having sme late nights.

A change is always good

2008-01-11T20:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I hanged out with some Highschool friends that I hadn't seen for a couple of months now, since our graduation party, and well I have to say I had a good laugh. One of them, Jorge, used be one of my closest "friends" alongside another guy called Raúl.

I had been Raúl's friend since 6th grade of Primary School, almost 8 years ago, and well he had always been a bit hard on me since we were kids 'cos if I didn't do what he wanted me to do he'd get mad and say "I hate you, don't talk to me" and well had always been a bit shy and weak so I'd always feel worried if he said that to me 'cos I felt as if my whole world was tumbing down 'cos even tough I had a nice relationsip with most most of my classmates I wouldn't be strong enough to be with them during the recess so if Raúl got mad at me I'd always try to fix things 'cos I wouldn't like to be alone, itwas awful 'cos I would find it hard to get some sleep since I knew he was mad at me, as we started to grow up I started to realie it was really unfair and I also dicovered that Raúl had a relly low self esteem so he'd always feel insecue about his look and stuff like that however when we were in Junior Highschool I was still really naive so I'd still do anythying so that he didn't get mad at me and well things got a bit worse at that time 'cos I started todiscover my homosexuality so I kinda had a rough time at Junior Highschool. When we started Highschool I started to develop my personality a bit more and well I had already decided that I would start to have my own decicions even if Raúl didn' agree with me and when he realised it he kinda accepted it however he'd still want me to agree with him all the time but I wouldn't care if he got mad at me 'cos I knew I was a better person that him and I had to deal with my sexuality so that helped me to be more independent and secure about myself.

During the last year of Highschool I really didn't care about Raúl's friendship however he discovered I was one of his few, or maybe his only, tru friend so he started to be a bit more gentle however he had a lot of fake friendships, by the time Highschool ended we agreed we'd both sill see achother form time to time even if lived in Mexico city (To be honest I wasn't interested at all) and well we started to go to Uni and we didn't kepp in touch that much. I called him on his b-day and he said "I was already getting mad at you for not doing it". We saw eachother once during the semestr and I knew he had problems with his fake friends and with Jorge but we never talked about it. Yetsreday I hanged out with Jorge and 2 of Raúls' fake friends, I wasn't even prepared for going out lol when they arrived I wast still in the shower haha, and today Italked with Raúl on MSN and he asked me if I was out with them yesterday and when I said "yes" he replied "Perfect, you have time to hang out wth them but not with me" and immediately blocked me from his contacts list and just sent him a message saying "You don't have a reason to be mad" and that's it bu what I wanna say with this long, and maybe boring, post is that I'm glad I'm differen now, I'm glad I've changed 'cos if that had happenedsome years ago I'd feel worried and sad but today I can say that I don't care about it 'cos I don't depend on him to be happy or to be myself and I think this is soemting that my sexuality issues have taught me 'cos 'e discovered I'm a good person and I don't deserve anyonoe's bad words.. yeah being gay can be a bit of a headache from time to time bt it has certainly taught me great things about my life.

I decided to post a pic of Mika today, 'cos well he's Lebanese just like my mum's family and I think his lyrics have given me a positive view of life + his I love his look

Funny things in life

2008-01-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

As I posted it yesterday today I met a friend at a coffee so that we could make our schedule for next semester, which ended up being a bit horrible by the way, and well we also catched up with other Highschool friends that now study in another University and to my surprise one of them, the only one that knows I'm gay, told me that one of her friends who hanged out with us some months ago is gay, of course I was a bit surprised but not that much because she had already told me that she suspected about his sexuality but anyway she told him that I'm gay too so , according to her, he said that he wants to meet me and tonigt I added him to my MSN conatcts list and I'm also going to add him to my Facebook friends; when I saw him I thought he's good looking and he's got a nice dressing style too however we didn't talk that much 'cos we were not next to eachother so hope I can get to know him better on MSN but it isn't all good 'cos this guy is also friend of one of the best friends of my sister so I'll have to be careful 'cos even though my sister knows I'm gay I wouldn't feel comfortable if she starts to know I'm looking for a bf :( .

I like it when I discover things like this

2008-01-08T16:43:00.000-08:00

Today I phoned a friend just to make sure he doesn't forget we're meeting tomorrow so that we can make our schedule for the upcoming semester and I also told him I had incitd one of out High School friends so that we cou catch up and he siad it was ok and actually surprised me by telling me that later other firends would arrive too. I was happy to know that because well during this long time off school I had't seen ay friends of mine s I felt good.

I think having this feeling is nice for me because I don't "live" in the street with my friends (like my brother) so sometimes I feel a bit down ecause I don't go out that much however today after my firend asked me to stay for a bit longer tomorrow so that I cold catch up with the other guys I realised it's not that I'm sick or that I'm a phenomenon, I do have friends and I could be out with them 24/7 just like my brother but because of my personality and the situation I'm going thruogh I preer to send most of my time on my own so that I can find answers to my question, questions that I can't comment with my friends because they would freak out so well I felt happy after I could find out this.

To make things a bit better today I was also able to realise I shouldn't feel like a slave of my situation, this means that I shouldn't worry to much about school or about trying to be a good guy because yeah school is important but as long as I make my best effort I'll be ok and beisdes that school isn' the only ting that matters in my future because how do I pretend to move to another country I'm awlways feeling sad or blue.. life is about balancing all the parts of us as individuals.

Yeah, I won't ever get tired of posting pics of Will Young lol but it's just that I admire him in a lot of ways.

My birthday party

2008-01-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

As most of you might know my birthday was on Dec 31st, however my parents decided it would be a better idea to make a party with both famillies on Dec 30th so that everyone that wasn't out for holidays could come.

I must say it was a nice party, well maybe the term family gathering would be better but I can't complain. To be honest it wasn't my idea to celebrate my birthday 'cos I'm not used to that, last year I had a family party as well but only 'cos it was my 18th birthday however since I was 9 or 10 I stopped having birthday parties. I think this year my parents wanted to make one for me because they're trying to help me feel a bit better now that they know about my situation and I appreciate it but in my opinion it's not somehtng that helps me.

As I posted it almost a year ago after my 18th birthday party last year I received some money, a wristwatch, Scissor Sistsers latest album and a Ferrari fragance, this year I only received money and I like it more because right now I'm saving all my money because I prefer to spend it on my trip to Chicago next February lol somehing funny about this is that all of my aunts/uncles used the same excuse to apologise about giving me money "I'm sorry I didn't have time to find something you would like but I think it's better if you buy whatever you want so here's some money for you".

This time we didn't have a proper time for taking pics however one of my uncles was able to take some while everybody was singing"Happy Birthday" to me, the bad thing about it is that he's really shy so he felt ashamed of telling my family to look at the camera hence I don't have good pics.

(Looking at all those candles on the cake made me feel a bit old haha)

(However my lungs are still young so I was able to blow them all)

(If only my dad had turned around I would've had a nice family pic :P)

(My sister and me with some cousins)

I'm enchanted !

2008-01-06T12:50:00.000-08:00

LOL ok I don't have the best taste in movies but I can say I like movies that make me happy as well as movies that teach me something.

Yeserday I saw Disney's enchanted for the second time this week and I have to say it's a great movie, I like the fact that they mix their previous Princesses movies as well as the fact that they make it a real life fairytale movie. I guess in a certain way we can all identify oursselves with Giselle (the Princess) 'cos deep inside whenever we're in love we just want to be happy but well reality is far from that however this movie shows you can have both, a happy relationship and a real life, if you know how to take things; and of couse in order to achieve that a change is needed .

I can say I really like this movie, in my opinion Disney had being releasing some crappy and average films since 2001 or so whent they started with the whole Pixar thing so I'm really happy about this one 'cos it reminds me about all the Disney films I used to watch as a kid and it also covers a real life scenario not forgetting it's got a great cast including Susan Sarandon (I was thrilled with her perfromance) and Globen Globe nominee Amy Adams.

One of my new year's resolution...

2008-01-03T16:17:00.000-08:00

Is to stop worrying so much about things 'cos it's something stupid (at a ceratin point) and life shouldn't be like that 'cos even if you worry you can't change anything so it's always better to wait until things happen and if you have a problem u should just think about how can u solve it instead of worrying about it. I know this byheart but somehow I always end up worrying too much so I'll do my best to change this.

Today I felt really stressed 'cos I didn't know how make my schedule for the next semester, we are given a date and time to make it but since it's only my 2nd semester at Uni I had no clue about how to create it on my online account and I felt really stressed, I even phoned Uni but they never answered so I felt even more stressed and actually I had nothing to stress about because I was talking with 2 mates and they didn't know either and they were calmed! but yeah I was feeling as if my life was about to end :S and in the end I just reviewed my online account again and I found the date and time to create my schedule!! so I had nothing to worry about.

That wasn't the only thing that made me realise I need to change, today I also called to a travel agency to check some details about my trip to Chicago to see the Spice Girls live and before I could sort it out I was feeling anxious and worried, and actually I had felt that way for some weeks now because I hadn't called he travel agency, I was just like "Oh maybe I won't go in the end so I have to make up my mind" lol as you can see I REALLY need to change, on a positive note I was really excited when I phoned the travel agency 'cos while I was waiting for the lady who was searching on their data base I was able to listen to the music they were listening to and they were listening to "Let Love Lead The Way" and as soon as it ended "Holler" (both Spice Girls song) was played so I presume they were playing Spice Girls' GH since that's the order they appear on the tracklist, I thik it was a great coincidence!

(The Spice Girls smiling for the camera just after they signed their airplane)

Hello.... again

2008-01-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

2008 has just arrived, my birthday was yesterday (Dec 31st) and I'm 19 now.... I'm pretty excited about publishing a new entry in here 'cos it had been a looong time since I last did this, I kinda knew Uni would make it a bit difficult for me. It's not easy getting used to a new life, new home, new environment, new classmates (for the 1st time ever!!)

I would like to start this post by mentioning something I'm loving about my tangled up life style, the Spice Girls are my heroes... lol this might sound really stupid but i's not like that the thing is that 10 years ago when the Spic Girls were a strong act they used to make me feel extremely happy, I was a kid (my life seemed to be perfect) and I loved dancing around to their tunes with my sister and our best friend... as time passed by they split up, I started to grow up and I also started to discover the man I was turning into, yeah a gay guy zipped up in a narrow-minded society/environmet who started to feel awful when he realised how sad and pathetic can solitude be. Time passed me by and life just got worse for me, and it's still gettng worse however this year the Spice Girls decided to make a come back tour and all the happy memories of my childhood came back and well yeah I was on the moon when my parents allowed me to go to Chicago so that I can see them live but it's not about that, tis year I started to go to Uni and I thought my life would change in a lot of ways but unfortunately it didn't.

I moved to a students house where I had to sart growing up quickly so that loneliness coudldn't defeat me and of course I discovered one of the most important things in life, my family (in all the extension of the word) yeah I started to miss them a lot, during the week I cuoldn't wait for the weekend to come so that I could return to my home with them and well yeah I started to realise how have my family supported me during all this years of gay solitude, in which I haven't had real friends and all that suff so I just love them loads, sticking to the point the Spice Girls have been present in this trip, if it's not with the song "Mama" that makes me feel goosebupms every time I listen to it since I burned it on a cd for my mum just before I started Uni, it my dad dancing to "Who Do You Think You Are" accompanying every time I'm watching a Spice Girls dvd instead of being out "having fun" or getting drunk with my "friends" or the thought of gratefulness with my parents for allowing me to see the Spice Girls live no matter how gay can it be for the rest of the people and if it's not that it's the beautiful bond my best friend (my sister) and I have (we're almost like twins!) which can be apreciated anytime we do "Stop" choreography while we listen to the song, this is probablythe most special "Spice-aid" I can get since my sister is te only perosn who knows me 100% and accepts me that way.

So it's been quite a hectic time for me, and here ae some pics that should've been posted during all this time.

(The last "photo session" ever with some of my High School mates taken at my graduation party)

(This one's recent, it was taken about a month ago just before Ireturned to my real home for winter holidays, you can see me with 2of my house mates. I fancy the guy on the left.. it's a huge story, al I can ay is that we're great friends, we live i the same house and both of us study Architecture.. *comes back to reality* he's sraight)

(One of my most diffiuclt projects during the semester, lol a wooden sticks bridge that had to hold at least 20 kilos)

(My first night out as a Uni boy in Mexco city)

(One of the scale model projects I made with the guy I fancy -pictured some pics above-)

I'm a nerd :P

2007-07-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

Yeah... I received most of the votes by my class mates so last night I got my "award" for being the most nerd guy among everyone in our grade.. I knew I was going to win that category so I wasn't surprised and I dont' really feel offended 'cos I don't really think I'm nerd, I just think I'm really responsible and well if I wanna have a bright future and achieve my goals I know I have to work hard so it's better to start working now.

Today at the school ceremony I received a ring 'cos I studied there for 16 years and I received me diplomas as well, it was a nice ceremony and while some class mates were giving their speeches I felt really emotional and felt like crying like once or twice but I controlled my feelings haha

Here are some bad quality pics taken before the ceremony, they look bad 'cos no-one really had the time to take pics so they were taken in a hurry.

High School is out completely!

2007-07-17T11:55:00.000-07:00

Yes... it's finally over, today I presented my last exam (Creativity) at school so it means I'm done with High School !

We'll have a celebration on Thursday at a pub, on Friday a school ceremony will take place and on Saturday our graduation party and it's all, after 16 years I'll finally stop seeing the same faces. A new stage in my life is about to start and even though sometimes it's scary since it'll be a huge change I just can't wait to meet "real" life.

"Family"

2007-07-17T11:24:00.000-07:00

During the last days I've been having some kinda troubles with my family, it all started on Saturday morning when we were getting ready for a religious ceremony of a cousin, I decided to wear a nice shirt, a pair of jeans (Not casual looking jeans) and shoes, and this was the "huge" mistake I made.. when I was fixing my hair my brother saw me and asked me "Are u going to wear jeans?" in a surprise wayand I replied "Yes" confidently. When I finished styling my hair I went to my sister's bedroom and when she saw me she asked me the same damn thing, while I was in my sister's bedroom my brother was telling my parents about this "emergency" and soonn my dad called my name in a loud tone but I didn't reply nor went to his bedroom (He wanted to tell me to change the jeans) however when I came out of my sister's bedroom my mother saw me and asked me again if I was going to wear jeans (She tried to act natural as if I didn't knew my brother had told her about it) and I got really mad and replied "Damn why is everyone asking me the same, yes I'm going to wear jeans" , after a few moments I was in my bedroom and my sister and my mum started to talk about it and I just shouted "Yes, even if youwhisper about it I'll still wear jeans" and they didn't reply.

This made me feel awful, I just wanted to burst into tears because for the first time in my life I was being rejected by my family and it wasn't a nice experience 'cos I just started to think about how obvious this was.. I'm gay, I'm not a "normal" guy and I have a determined personality.. of course they can't accept someone like me but well thankfully I was able to control my sadness/anger and didn't cry.

To make things a bit worse next day I realised how crappy the realiton between my brother and me is 'cos he wanted to see Harry Potter's latest film and well he aksed my sister to accompany him but she said no 'cos she needed to study... he knew I didn't have to study and he wasn't bothered to ask me to accompany him :( this was a bit sad too but well I just didn't let it surprise me since I have always known my borther dislikes me for loads of reasons and I have to admit that I dislike him too but at least my reasons are worth it and I have been able to verify that each time I talk wth my sister or my parents about my brother's spoilt life/attitude (My parents accept it but carry on supporting it) and I also vefiried it yesterday when I went with my grandmother and him to a shoping centre, she wanted to buy him a b-day present and while he was in the fitting rooms she told me a lot of things about him that are true (spoilt, doesn't appreciate my dad's efforts ..)

So as you can see it hasn't been a good life for me lately but I'm happy 'cos I've been able to get over this on my own and I have to admit it just feels great to realise you're on the right track.

"Super brothers".. almost 5 years ago

Today I feel..

2007-07-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

really depressed.. and the worst thing is that I just don't know why.

As you know soon High School will be over and I'll move to Mexico city to start Uni but I just don't know why am I feeling so down today... I just don'w know if the changes that are about to come will be good or if I'll do well in this new stage of my life that's about to come. I'm really desperate and sad and sometimes I just wish I could bedad 'cos I'm just feeling scared of life.. not achieving my main goal or not being able to find someone 'cos I'm too weird.

I just feel my whole world is heavier than me and as if I couldn't handle it.

So..

2007-07-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

It's all over now, finally I won't go to the same school where I had studied for all my life (16 years)... it's quite sad but in fact I feel happy about it 'cos for the first time I'll know how does it feel to get to know new people, I'll even move to Mexico city!
I still need to rpesent 6 exams, then we'll have a party at a pub on the 19th, after that a school cereomony on the 20th followed by our graduation party on the 21st and finally.. I won't ever see my mates again besides one who's also going to study Architecture in the same Uni.. the only "funny" thing about this is that about 4 weeks ago I discovered this guy is gay too.. I saw some messages he left on the public messages box of another boy (I guess he thought it was a private messaging service but it's not :P) but well I haven't told him I'm gay too, I think he suspects it but well I'm not prepared to share it with him 'cos he's a bit girly and I dunno we just don't have THAT much in common however we're friends and everything, I guess one of us will say it when the right time comes.

So as I said my exams start on Monday so I'll be really busy like for a week and I might not be online that much but well I hope it all ends soon!

The time is coming

2007-07-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

So in 1 week I'll be finishing High School since this is the last week of classes, my exams will start on July 9th and they'll end in about 2 weeks time, as usually I won't be able to carry on with my web life 'cos I'll be studying hard but well I just hope I can close this stage of my life in a good way. Some of my friends are already feeling sentimental about leaving High School especially 'cos, as I always say, most of us have been in the same school for all our lives so it'll be a bit weird to stop it all from one day to another however I don't think it's bad, I feel happy about it 'cos for the first time I'll be able to start a new "life".

However this "new life" won't mean I'll leave my online life haha I still think it'll be hard to meet pop lovers in Uni but well I just expect to find good friends there. Just like someone I met some months ago, Tomazaky hehe he's just an amazing boy with a nice personality, he's taught me good things and I know sometimes I've annoyed him but after all I think he understands me, so that's why he doesn't send me a virus (He's in Portugal so he can't hit me :P) and I'm sure he knows how special he's for me and also he knows how much I appreciate his creations..

As u can see he's able to create really cool pics XD.. you know you rock "garoto" :P

A little bit of this and that

2007-06-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

Lately my life has had loads of up and downs, as most of you know I'm REALLY excited 'cos of the Spice Girls reunion.. it's something really amazing for me especially 'cos now I might be able to talk with my mates about one of my favourite bands and they will know what am I talking about (LOL they don't know more than 5 artists on my iPod) but still they won't care and it's a bit funny 'cos online I know lloads of guys who are extremely excited about SG reunion but over here my mates are just like "Eww" or "Why do they do that after laods of years"... that's why i know they won't make noise over here but wlel they just can't understand that SG are just an amazing band for pop lovers.

Anyway besides this amazing event I've also had some "probelms" with one of my friends 'cos he's jealous about me and another guy, the 3 of us are friend but he just feels sad/jealous 'cos sometimes I get along really well with the other guy and the worst thing is that whenever we're together he acts as if everything was ok and when he's with the other guy hemoans about him getting so well with me :S but well I just won't let this make me feel down... I promised myslef I'll be stronger form now on and I really wana change.

Lately..

2007-06-23T22:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't been feeling in the right mood for posting, I've had some changes in my personality, I decided to stop being so sentimental because it's not fair for me to feel down and depressed because of my silly social circles and also it's good to make this change 'cos I need to learn when to be sentimental. However I've been feeling a bit sad and disappointed thanks to my dad and my sister but I'm just trying to hold my head tight.. sometimes I just wish I could escape from this place.. even from this world but well I'm just trying to enjoy my life at "home" 'cos in about 1 month I'll move to mexico city for Uni and I think "real life" will start for me..

Hectic schedule

2007-06-12T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry for ont posting here that often lately, the thing is that even though "Cultural week" is over teachers still leaves us a lot of home work and since the semester willl end in less than a month we have to work hard so I've been busy.

On monday I saw a French movie called "Ma vie en rose" (My life in pink) which is about a 7 year old gay guy named Ludovic who has to deal with all the social pressure and discrimination against gay people, it was a nice movie 'cos I identified myself with some of his characteristics but after all it wasn't that nice to see it 'cos I had to bear all the comments from my class mates who said stuff like "I'd hit my kid so hard if he was like that so that he stopped being like that" or "I'd give him cold water showers until he understand he's a man" of course I don't pay attention to those comments but well it just makes me feel like a weird bug that doesn't belong to that "united" class. Anyway life has always been like that so finally I'm learning to deal with it.

Personality test

2007-06-04T17:04:00.000-07:00

I found this test in the blog of a friend and I think it's interesting because I love colours and this test is based in choosing colours depending on the way you feel, I think the results I got describe me perfectly, at least in this moment of my life.

General Characteristics (gray table) Tendency to stabilization + dependence on feelings + concentrationYou would like to live in a peaceful and orderly environment, in which due to a strong emotional connection with your partner and environment, you would be able to feel confident in a situation, quite satisfying for you.

Your Desired Objective His need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes him restless and he is driven by his desires and hopes. May try to spread his activities over too wide a field.

Existing Situation Working to improve his image in the eyes of others so as to obtain their compliance and agreement with his needs and wishes.

Your Restrained Characteristics You are ready to address others emotionally and be involved in their activities. However, even in a sensual relationship you don’t allow yourself a cordial attachment. You have high emotional claims and seek a close relationship which wouldn’t require any deep feelings from you, but will still allow you to feel involved.

Your Stress Sources Resists any form of pressure from others and insists on his independence as an individual. Wants to make up his own mind without interference, to draw his own conclusions and arrive at his own decisions. Detests uniformity and mediocrity. As he wants to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions, he find it difficult to admit to being wrong, while at times he is reluctant to accept or understand another's point of view.

Your Actual Problem Denotes an ambivalent attitude varying between an optimistic desire for fulfillment and a gloomy pessimism.

If you'd like to rry it here's a link: http://www.wordofmouthexperiment.com/dedpyhto/Personality-test.htm

Something quite funny

2007-05-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

Raúl is one of my freinds, he's one of the guys that's always talking bad about people who dress in a non-fashion way, who have a different body, who act in a mature way (just to metion some examples).. and well almost everyone knows about his attitude so they also say bad things abbout him of call him fagget 'cos he talks in weird way (I'm not syaing it in a bad way) and well the funny thing about this is that he has some problems with his self-esteem so he is always getting upset 'cos of all the things people say about him :S and since we've known eachother for 7 years now he always tells me about how bad it makes him feel and he starts to talk bad about that people 'cos it's the way he tries to takes revenge of them and well since he knows I don't talk bad about people who are differnet - One of the reasons he calls me "old bitter man" :( - I always tell him he shouldn't care about what they say because no-one is perfect and besides that he needs to be sure of who he is without feeling bad 'cos of external comments.

So a few days ago he asked me if I was going to a party organised by a girl who seemed to like me, we work in team jobs together and her friends are also nice with me, and wlel I told him I wasn't invited (Which is the truth) and I told him. "I just don't get it, I'm always friendly with her and I see her a friend 'cos she's mature and not 2-faced but she didn't invite me, I don't know why do a lot of people think I'm false or just doubt I'm a nice guy" (I was shocked) and he told me "You have always taught me that I shouldn't care about wat people think of me as long as I'm happy with me" and well it was funny 'cos I do think that and I have that mentality but the thing is that I find it sad, I mean I'm always friendly with her and her friends and they are the same with me but she didn't incite me... and she invited Raúl who's the one that talks bad about her :S but well after thinking about this I've realised I shouldn't really care about it even if it's sad 'cos I am me and well if people don't like me I can't do nothing... at least I know I won't act like Raul just to have more "friends" however the fact that Rúl told me I had taught him not to care about other people's comments was nice for me.. 'cos it made me see he really appreciates my advices and that makes me feel good 'cs I always try to help him.

Hehe this is a pic of Raúl and me pretending to be workers, I really like it, if u notice something weird in him it's 'cos his nose was swollen since he had just had it done ... he didn't like his orginal nose

The case is closed

2007-05-27T11:24:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been quite harsh for me.. on saturday morning I started to feel more depressed and angry about my situation so my family started to notice there was something wrong, my mum asked me what was wrong with me and I told her everything's was ok but of course my attiude wasn't a good one however she didn't insist, after that I spent all morning working on my school tasks and when it was time for us to have lunch I dunno I was feeling terrible so I just sat on the table and ate as fast as I could; when I finished and was about to leave my dad said in a rude tone "Why don't u stay with us ?" and I replied "Why u protest to me?" and he started to tell me I had been acting quite weird and that at least I should "be" with them for more time.. I didn't reply anything and I waited until my sister was done with her meal, after that I stood up.

When I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth my sister entred and asked me what was wrong with me (she clearly knows it's something related to my situation) and I just told her that all the school tasks were making me feel like this and of course she didn't believe me and carried on asking me about it but I replied the same. After some min she started to cry but I decided to act as if nothing was happening 'cos I was feeling really uncomfortable, at a certain time I thought I'd faint 'cos I was feeling really dizzy but thankfully nothing happened and as soon as I finished cleaning my teeth I left the bathroom.

After that I went to the kitchen and my mum asked me again what was wrong... I told her it was school as well and she believed me or at least pretended to believe me but after that I started to calm down and just started to focus in the school project I was about to start.

This attitude might seem to be a bit rude but the thing is that I can't stand my family's attitude.. when I came out to my parents a few weeks ago they promised they'd search for a psychologist and what happened? they did nothing about it! and that's just 'cos they can't accept the fact that I'm gay and they just pretend nothing happened. With my sister is different, she knows me well and she knows I was feeling that way 'cos of my problems but I just didn't feel like telling her 'cos I feel uncomfortable whenever I have to talk about something personal with her and I remembered "Whenever she's mad she's also rude with us so I can do the same.... after all I'm also working in changing my personality so that people don't take advantage on me".

I think these days have been really hard for me and yeah "life changes" but I'm just tired of being patient. I think the best solution is to let it slip away from me.

"Life"

2007-05-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling really sad and well things are not getting better to be honest, today I'm feeling worse.. as most of you might know my main goal in life is to move to another country as soon as I finish Uni; doesn't matter if I have to work a lot or anything like that and I'm prepared to do it but the thing is that right now I don't have other motivations in life; if I could die right now I wouldn't care.. my "life" is just annoying and senseless and even though I feel happy with my personality that doesn't matter 'cos I can't do anything about it like sharing it with someone.

Mymain goal is to move so that I can start a new life but well i I could stop living I wouldn't care about my main goal 'cos at least I would stop "living" and however even if I move I'll have to die one day so that's why I wouldn't care if I died today.

As I said before I'll do anything so that I can move in the future but I fear that I might not be able to do this especially 'cos I don't know what to do in order to move and I feel worried about failing ... I dunno maybe I'm just being random or reptitive but it's just that I need to express this :( the only (little) hope I have right now is moving and I really wish I could do it right now but well I still need to wait some years .. that's horrible and I'm tired of being patient and well I could easily kill myself but I just don't have the courage I guess all I can do is cry and hide all this from everyone. I know you might think I'm pathetic but it's just that I'm tired of this.

Feels like I'm suspended

2007-05-23T20:07:00.000-07:00

After all these hectic days (which won't end soon) and after dealing with all my "team" mates I think that right now I'm feeling a bit "relaxed" 'cos well I've just realised there's nothing I can do to change this I mean they won't ever work and I'll always be the only one worried about it so there's nothing I can do.. of course it's not fair but I dunno right now I have a lof of faith in Uni (which will start in about 2 months) 'cos I expect everyone there to be different, maybe it won't be a dramatical change but as long as it changes I'll be good.

Right now I'm just working and working and working and I dunno it feels just as if I had made up my mind about it so I don't feel like complaining anymore, as long as I can get the job done. I fear this is something a bit weird 'cos it means I'm only working without thinking about anything else and without "enjoying" life but I dunno why am I going on through this.

In other news today we had a discussion about homosexuality during Psychology class and I gotta admit it was a bit horrible for me 'cos everyone, including the teacher, talked about it as if it was something from another planet I mean they just said like loads of sensless things about it like "If a man has no brothers he's gay" and stuff like that and as usually they also joked about it so it was a bit hard for me 'cos I felt like a weird bug in a shoes box + this guy I used to fancy and who knows I'm gay was sitting on my back so I couldn't stop thinking about what was going on in his mind now that he knows I'm gay, at a certain time I felt like crying and going out of the classroom 'cos of all the things I heard but I just decided to keep it deep inside 'cos it wouldn't have been good.

I don't know what to think about this

2007-05-21T16:46:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday we went to the movies 'cos my parents wanted to see "The Queen" movie, after the movie we had dinner in a restaurant and my brother arrived there 'cos he didn't accompany us to the movies, however when we were on our way home I travelled with my parents and my sister with my brother.
My mum wanted to put a CD on and my dad said "Please don't choose CD #3 'cos it's Floricienta's album and I can't stand her, she's annoying", this was surprising for me 'cos "Floricienta" my sister's favourite telly show and each and every single night we watch it (even thought we've seen the 2 whole seasons in the past) and my dad is also there to watch it and he's always like "Oh yeah it's a nice show, we'll miss it whenever they cut it off" so waht I find weird about this is that he doens't really like it but he says it's a nice show when we're with my sister and that's quite silly 'cos my sister doesn't care if my dad likes it .. but why does he have to be like that?!

Also the guy who asked me to forgive him after 2 years (I posted about this recently) told me that he really hadn't found someone true like since he got mad at me 'cos all of his "mates" were shallow and "twats" so he couldn't share his life with them and blah blah and in a certain way I believed in him 'cos I know those guys but surprisingly today I was listening to one of this conversations with one of his "mates" , my seat is infront of his seat in the classroom, and he was talking about one of his realtionships and how sad he was feeling ... so this shows me he was trying to recover my friendship one way or another.

I don't really understand why do people lie when they don't really need to do it, I think it's really annoying 'cos in the case of my dad, even if it sounds rude, no-one cares if he likes this telly show or not so he doesn't need to say he likes it while in reality he can't stand it and in the case of my "impossible" crsuh (haha) he doens't need to tell me he hasn't found someone to share his life with 'cos he ceratinly talks about it with some of his friends, and I hate it 'cos when we used to be good friends he used to be like that.. he was always saying nice things just to make things better even if those things were not true :S (I never moaned about this with him 'cos I was a bit blinded by olve)

Some updates about my life

2007-05-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

Thankfully my exams period is over which is something great 'cos all the pressure it causes me is gone now;however the "Cultural week", which takes place every year at my school, is coming and it means one thing: hard work.

I kinda like this week 'cos it's a nice time to create projects instead of taking notes or having exams but the thing is that this time we'll have to come up with a different project/activity for almost every class... until now I've got two projects.

One for Psychology class in which we have to apply a survey, made by us, about sexuality to a bunch of people among a certain age. This one isn't that difficult but as usally I'm making most of the work 'cos my team mates just don't care about it. The second project, and the most difficult one until now, is for Creativity class; it consists in creating a new gadget along with an enterprise, pubilcity, telly commercial and decoration for a rack... once again it's team work but the members of my team haven't worked on the previous projects that we were assigned in this class so it means I'm alone once again.. so I'm already working on my own (I've decided to create a belt which can also be used as a hair band - for girls- ).

Sometimes I ask myself why do I always end up working alone when it's supposed to be a team job but the thing is that none of my class mates really cares about school and well for an unknown reason I think school is important especially 'cos its my only obligation right now and I don't wanna waste my life... maybe I'm a nerd or a geek but well I think it's quite stupid to waste your education especially if you're able to go to a school; on the other hand I think I have to get used to work hard especially if I wanna move to another country when I grow up.Nobody said life would be easy no matter how many probelms you have in your (Being hated by girls you used to think were your friends, being called mummy or dracula just 'cos you're tall and look quite pale, feeling alone and knowing a lot of people "hate" you 'cos according to them you're just too nice to be true so they think you're false or hypocrite..).

So this is all for the moment... it's not a good stage of my life but I can't think of a better solution than dealing with it even if I have to get tearful from time to time.

Once one of my favourite pics makes me think about the few good and special things in my life like being true to myself and being sentimental... it might sound silly but Will Young lyrics help me a lot 'cos I know he also had a rough time (I know he's not the only one in this world nor am I but since I love music and he produces music he's like an inspiration for me however your comments/advices, my friends, are also essential for me)

Weird is the word

2007-05-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

So my exams are finally over but all those weird feelings you get when u live something different have been inside of me during the last days... the things is that this guy who used to be my best friend 2 years ago (my first real crush...) told me he needed to talk with me on Wednesday and well I accepted (I felt really anxious after 2 years... my heart still feels something for him but when we stopped talking - he thought I fancied my best female friend who was her gf at that time :S - ) and he told me that during all this time he had thought about things and he missed me 'cos he hadn't been able to find a friend like me, he said I'm unique and that he wanted me to forgive him and to give him a second chance, of course I said it was ok with me.

I went out with him on Friday and well I decided to tell him the truth about my feelings... I wasn't THAT scared about his reaction because he showed me he really wanted me to be his friend again so I knew he wouldn't take it in a bad way so after 20 minutes of telling him "Please promise me you won't tell anyone abut this, even if you get mad again" I told him I was in love and well he was quite shocked but he took it in an excellent way I mean it was nice because I know I'll be able to have him by my side from time to time when I feel down - as a friend of course - and well after thinking about it I felt happy because little by little I'm starting to "let it all out" even though it's not as good as it could be in my opinion.

In other news I already know how to drive haha tbh I really didn't feel like learning to do it but my parents were always bugging me with that and this time I decided to do it just 'cos I was tired of dealing with that, it fels nice and I feel quite happy about it 'cos I'm finding it really easy.

Last but not least today something new in my life happened 'cos I travelled by subway and a public bus for the first time in my life and it was quite nice, I went to mexico city with two friends of mine (none of 'em is the one I fancy) and well I was a bit scared like them 'cos it was something new for us but it was nice. We went to a museum where we saw a 3-D film about dinosaurs.

I know maybe this post is a bit long and boring but it's just that I'm feeling quite unstable 'cos of all the things I've been going through, it's nice and it feels good to "come out of the shell" but of course I knwo it's all part of the process of life so I'll take it little by little.

Upside down....

2007-05-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

That's how I've been feeling during all this week, on Monday I wnated to post in here and in the moment I was doing it elecritcity was off and my PC broke down... then also exams started this week so I've been feeling really stressed and tired especially 'cos I always wake up at 5:00 am during school days and I've been going to bed around midnight/1:00 pm for the last 3 days.

Unfortunately my exams won't end until May 13th (approx.) so I need to bear this for some time still and I'm trying really hard to leave all my personal problems behind so that this doesn't "kill" me, I hope you all understand why I haven't been around lately.

I'd like to write more but I just don't feel in the mood :(

Once again..

2007-04-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

School has been keeping me busy, I had to record 5 television comercials for Creativity class... at first I thought it would be really stressful since the guys that the teacher picked up as my team are all "machos" and a bit lazy + when I complained with her she was just like "I want you to control them so that you get good results" but to my surprise we all worked as a team and we didn't have any problems.

Yesterday I recorded an interview for Sociology class, it went good as well 'cos we were able to choose our team mates so I picked up 2 female friends of mine, the only bad thing about it was that after we recorded it we hanged out with 2 male friends of one one my friends and well they called me girl just because I don't speak with bad words nor smoke like them.. I know I shouldn't care and I don't but it's just that with school stress it's not easy to ignore guys like them for me.

Next week my exams will start so I'll be even more busy but well I can't avoid this... I just hope it ends soon!

"Boy if you want to be my speciality you'll have to wait for me" lala

2007-04-15T08:35:00.001-07:00

So on friday I went out on my first date ever and well to be honest I don't know if I can say it was good or bad, one thing I know is that I couldn't have him as my boyfriend because his personality is a bit out of what I look for in man but still he's a nice guy. I felt a bit silly when he told me he doesn't know Girls Aloud, he only searched for them on Wikipedia when I asked him on MSN if he knew them and well that's not good but at a certain point I think it's nice 'cos he was trying to "impress" me (he failed though), while we were talking in his car he also told me that the guy that was phoning him constanly was his ex bf and according to him he is a porn star :S of this gay web called papi.com but I think he was trying to impress me once again (It's not good to lie that much in my opinion).

When he talks he also uses like loads of bad words so I asked him not to say them while we talked and it was funny to see him avoiding bad words hehe sometimes he would ask me "Do u consider ... as a bad word?" before he spoke :P, he also made me laugh from time to time 'cos I told him I found it a bit hard to read non-digital clocks so he would make fun of that and I liked it (I like funny guys).
Something I didn't like about him is that sometimes he would act like in a really girly way whenever he heard a song that he likes or when he was impressed by something + he's also one of the typical gay guys who talks bad about people who are "ugly" or that wear different clothes and well I know a lot of people do it but I just hate it when someone (In this case him) feels "superior" to other people just because they wear better clothes or have a different social level, and talking about social levels another thing that kinda bugged me about him is the fact that he would always make comparisons about me and him 'cos I go to a private school and he goeas to a public one and stuff like that, he would aslo say "I know you're ashamed of being with me" whenever someone saw us and as I told him I wasn't ashamed but he carried on saying that kinda things.
I don't think I'll ask him out in the future and well if he asks me out I'll think about it, after a lot of "cunfusion" on my mind I've decided that he's a nice guy and he could be a nice friend but I'm almost sure I couldn't be his bf, I'm glad I had this experience because it made me realize I can't rush thing or date 100 guys to find what I'm looking for, 'cos life is something that happens day by day so the guy that I'm looking for will show up when he has to. In the meantime I just have to be patient and live my life the way I wanna live it without thinking "How would it be if..." 'cos even though it's always very useful to plan your future you also have to live in the present so that you can learn the most from it for the future.

I don't complain about it, in fact I feel a bit happy 'cos he's a really nice guy and we could be good friends but I'll let it all to time.

Spicing up my life

2007-04-12T16:46:00.000-07:00

Even though my PC broke down (again..) some days ago it's already fixed now and the good news are that I didn't lose anything of my media so I'm happy and now you know why did I stop posting in here for some days.

I'm also happy 'cos I met a nice guy last week and we're going out tomorrow so well it's gonna be my first time and I really hope it goes the right way.. I never thought things in my life would start to change so soon but well I guess that's the way life goes and I'm happy to learn this new lesson.. of course I also know things can go the bad way all of a sudden but well it'll another lesson.. I'm just being patient.

Sometimes I think I look like the guy in that pic... I just seem to be analyzing life while others just "let it flow" but I don't think it's bad 'cos u can always learn something useful.

It's all done!

2007-04-07T11:39:00.000-07:00

As I posted some days ago I was planning top tell my parents that I'm gay and well... it's done now.

I'm happy about this 'cos things were not bad, my parents said they still love me no matter what. The only thing I don't really like is that my dad thinks I'm still confused "'Cos I'm still starting to turn into a teenager" :S :S but well at a certain point I understand him 'cos maybe it's not easy for him to understand it and thinks I might change but well as I told him I know who I am. My mum also told me that I should never change and that I shouldn't feel depressed (I told 'em about all my depression problems) but well that is just a bit impossible 'cos even though they know it now I know that my life will still be pretty much the same but anyway it's a step that would be given anytime and I'm glad I've done it.

My parents also told me that I shouldn't feel bad 'cos I'm not like the other guys, they also metioned that they know I'm quite smart and that I will achieve great things, dad compared me with my brother and said that he only focuses on shallow things and it might be true but that made me feel a bit bad for him because even though we don't have the best relaationship ever I accept him as he is and I don't think my dad should compare us just to make me feel better, anyway I feel better now and not because of the words of my dad, I feel better cos this was something really important for ´me and I feel proud of who I am, I'm not ashamed of being the guy I am, and I strongly believe that we can always make our life a bit better no matter how difficult it seems to be.

3 of them are like me :P (UK boyband "V")

A huge step for me...

2007-04-05T13:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I came out to my sister, I told her 'cos I though I just needed to do it, the bf of one of my female friends who lives in Canada told me I should really tell her 'cos he knows me and he knows how much I'm suffering and well I just felt it was the time to tell her so I went to her bedroom and when I started to tell her about it she told me that she already knew about it 'cos some months ago she read it on a windown I had left openend b4 she used the PC (I suppose it was my blog but it's weird 'cos I'm relly careful about it, I always make sure the history is cleared and I always leave "normal" windows opened) , she told me it was better for her to know that way 'cos during the last months she had been thinking about it since it's too difficult for her to understand it.

She asked me to understand her and she also said her mind had changed (for good) now that I had told her, she offered me her suppport and well I told her about some of my problems and she told me she'd help me.I think that today I'm gonna tell my parents, she told me that she could be there if I wanted to clam them down but I think I have to say it on my own, I also think it's better to tell ym parents about it now because in a couple of months I'll move to Mexico city for Uni so it would be a bit weird for them if I tell them after I have moved (Well, I need to find a flat first :P) because they can get to think about it in a bad way so it's good that they know about me now that I live here so that they can see I carry on with my life even if it's difficult.

So I'm a bit nervous about telling my parents but I really wanna do it, I've been waiting for this moment for a long time now and honestly I never thought it would happen so fats but it's ok with me, I think all my depressions and bad experiences gave me the courage I need to carry on living like this and most importantly to accept me and love me the way I am.

This is a drawing I made last Friday while I was bored, I really like it and I feel proud about it 'cos I wasn't scared or ashamed of being on my own drawing it while everyone else was having fun with their "friends".

A little review of my weekend off

2007-04-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

I spent last weekend at the house of one of my uncles at Valle de Bravo (Valley of Bravo :P) . I really didn't want to go but it was my only choice so I had to go, after all I think I had a nice time there; my sister invited one of her friends from her football soccer classes and it was nice knowing her 'cos she's not like all the guys that we know at school so I was qite happy to know someone that's not shallow or 2-faced.

I was quite surprised when I started to do some "crafts" with little beads, my sister was doing it with her friend so I thought I would also do it so that I didn't get annoyed of doing nothing, I was surpised 'cos as a kid I used to love them but I gave up as soon as I started to grow up, anyway it was quite nice to see I still have some talent at it haha, here are some pics of my creations:

My Girls Aloud PC game!!

2007-03-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

During the last weeks I worked on the creation of a PC game for Computer class; the teacher taught us how to program all the buttons and everything we needed for the creation of this game and well after that we were asked to work on the desing and since I love Girls Aloud I decided to use them as the main topic of my game, it's not a really god or interesting game and sometimes the score doesn't work properly but well I'm just really happy 'cos I never thaught I would be able to do something like this, I hope you guys can enjoy it as much as I enjoy it, here's the fownload link:

http://rapidshare.com/files/23587812/der-izq.swf.html

It's a Macromedia Flash file but you can open it even if you don't have Flash installed, and don't worry ir't not a big file and it doesnn't have a virus.

My ecological house..

2007-03-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the presentation about the enterprise I created for my Creativity class, our company is called "Bihogare" (Biohome) and well as I posted ir before I had to make a scale model of our ecological house + do the research for all the biological and organic construction materials we would use for building our houses in reality. I think my team and I did a great job during the presentation but as usually the teacher found loads of mistakes in our project, as well as on the rpojects of the other teams, but I find this quite good 'cos even though it's annoying that she doesn't recognize our effort she's just preparing us for life and harsh comments in the future.

Here you can see some pics of our house, I really didn't like the final result but I was already prepared for it c'os since we only had one evening to work on the house we couldn't do something amazing.. I don't really like it and I know I could've done something better but well I needed more time + when you work with a team you can't do things your way or take decisions all by yourself. The pics are not that good 'cos I took them quickly but at least you can get to see my job :P

Busy.. once again

2007-03-22T19:04:00.000-07:00

As you might have noticed I haven't been around lately and believe me it's not that I like it, it's just that school is keeping me really busy once again. I had Psychology exam today and I studied the whole Wednesday, thankfully I did good on the exam. Now I have to do a scale model of an ecological house designed by my team (ME.. the rest are just lazy people) and it's not only designing the house and making the scale model, I also had to do a research about the constrution materials (Which are all friendly to the envirment) and explain why did I decide to use them, I had some "dad & son" time when I asked my dad, who is an Engenieer, to tell me the budget that would be required for a house like the one we're gonna build (It's only a project fopr creativity class, it's not that we're gonna build it for real but we need to pretend to be a real company and all that stuff) so that was nice, I thnk, 'cos I asked my dad for help which doesn't happen that often.

Anyway this project is not all because besides causing me a lot of stress and rude comments by my "friends" like "You're a nerd" or "You have no social life" because I started to plan it during some spare time at school I also have 2 exams next week + some homework to be done, I'm really sad and despressed right now 'cos besides all the problems I was having because of my situation now I have to deal with all this stress so everytime I go to bed I just feel as if I was on heaven.. and sometimes I really wish I could just stop living so that I could end all this pain.

Last but not least I'm really looking forward for the 2 weeks off I'll have after the following week which seems to be far away in time right now.

Sometimes I just think I should change my personality but I know it wouldn't be good 'cos I really need to work hard in school if I wanna achieve my main goal in life which is to move and also hard work is the only way of getting what you want in life but then sometiems I really doubt if I have a life :( .. after all maybe my school mates are correct.

No more tennis

2007-03-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

So after a long time of feeling a bit unsure about taking my tennis classes I decided to give up on them, maybe it's not the best option 'cos tennis really helped me to feel a bit relaxed but the thing is that I realized it wasn't something that I really liked to do and I was also starting to have some problems with my dad 'cos he would always want to play a match against me and my answer was always "No" and he would get mad but at a certain point I understand him 'cos if I was taking tennis lessons it's because,supposedly, I liked it so why wouldn't I like to play against him? but the thing is that he has doesn't even suspect that I only started to take tennis classes 'cos the school psychologist suggested me to do it. Anyway I have been taking yoga lessons once a week at school and I'm loving it, I used to think it was only breathing in and out but I found out it's also a way to exercise your body so I might start taking yoga lessons at the sports club soon, I'll just make sure I can fit yoga lessons into my busy school schedule.

My life-size pop creation

2007-03-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

Recently I posted something about this school project which involved drawing my silhouette on paper (With the help of someone else of course) and decorating it with the things/activites that I like the most. All the boys just made a collage with sports, girls, cars and underwear pics while most of the girls used make-up and clothes pics. Anyway since music is one of the things that I like the most I decided to use pics of my favourite artists, and I loved the idea since the beginning because I think this activity was great for letting us express ourselves and since no-one knows most of the artists that I like 'cos they're not promoted here I loved the idea even more; especially 'cos it was like a way of showing them a bright side of me, which is that even though they laugh at me because I love pop I just don't care.

As most of you might know I also love colours so I knew I should use loads of colours for this project, even though I knew it would take me a lot of time to cut out all the coloured sheets I decided to do my best 'cos I really wanted it to look good.

So here are the pics of what I named "POP" (A name was required as well :P)

Ahh!!

2007-03-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

This week has been keeping me really really busy especially because of all my never ending homework; I used to go to bed at 10:00 pm (Weird, I know, but I always get up at 5:00 am :P) and I have been forced to go to bed at 12:00 am just because I have a lot of homework. This is bad if you consider that the lack of sleeping has been making me fall asleep at school but it's also good 'cos a lot of people have told me that Architecture is a really hard career in terms that you have to stay up all nights doing scale models and stuff like that so I must get used to that.

This week hasn't been good either because until today I felt depressed just for one single thing which is the fact that I don't have someone to trust over here, I've had loads of sad moments in which I just wish I could be dead because I can't be myself and some people even talk bad about me on my back just like this girl who claimmed to be my true friend (Even though she has always said that the fact that I like pop, desserts and that I'm a bit hairy is GROSS - she uses the word in enlgish-) today I found out she hates me :S

Thankfully today - for an unknown reason- I just stop caring about all those things, even though they make me feel sad, 'cos I know my life will have to flip 180° and I all I need is to "have a little patience" just ilke Take That song.

As I posted b4 I'm still working on my silhouette and if I get to finish it today you will see the pics tomorrow.

For now here's a pic that was taken last Winter at the School X-mas event when I danced !I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday" by Girls Aloud.

The first 2 guys from left to right are the most posh guys I've ever met, the one that is next to me is one of my "closest" friends(Who also dressed up as a Wisemen). Hehe as you can see we danced with black suits... narrow-minded!

After a hectic week I'm finally "back" !

2007-03-11T00:22:00.000-08:00

Last week-end my PC broke down because of a virus so that's mainly why I hadn't been able to update my blog, I was only able to use my brother's laptop but of course I couldn't open the forums I visit because he could find out loads of things he doesn't know about me and well I couldn't check any blogs nor upload mine because of the same thing.

Anyway this week has also been REALLY stressing because I've had a lot of homework, from summing up texts about Globalization and Neoliberalism to creating a paper guy with my silhouette which has to be decorated with the things I like - will post a pic of it when it's done-. It's really tiring and it takes most of my time but it's something I need to do...

The good news are that this week also got my Uni results and I was accepted ! :D I feel really happy about it because it's something important for my future + I did it on my own which is also great, now that I thikn Uni is getting closer I get a bit scared because it also means I will have to move but it's something that will also help me in the future.

"Ahh Charles is back"

Tragedy !

2007-03-02T21:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight was supposed to be a boring night but thankfully gay side was still active after the hectic day I had so I decided to check H Ian Watkin's official site and I was pleased to find a sexy photoshoot he did recently for a gay UK mag called Boyz, the pics are really really nice. A lot of people used to think Lee was 100 times hotter than H but I think this photoshoot demonstrates both of them are HOT.

As you can clearly see the lovely lad is no longer a hyperactive kid, I just love this photoshoot.

http://www.ian-h-watkins.com

My "gay day"

2007-03-02T17:02:00.000-08:00

Today while I listening to the radio with my dad and sister it was announced that a member of a really famous "pop" band in Mexico and Spain is gay, this is really shocking because well the band is from Mexico and as most of you know homosexuality over here isn't accepted anyway I was really shocked 'cos while we were having lunch we were listening to the words "homosexuality" and "gay" just as if we were listening to a common word on the news like "money" that made me feel really nervous 'cos I don't really know how to explain it but well I'm gay and my family wouldn't accept it so I just felt ashamed 'cos even though they don't know about it it made me think about what could happen if they knew.

Anyway I know this could be great 'cos well it's like another step for homosexuality here in Mexico especially 'cos he's like a celebrity but after all I felt a bit sad 'cos I'm almost sure he's doing it just because soon his band is going to launch a telly channel and a new program (They have their own series) and it'll give them more rating and besides that I think it's all rushed 'cos he got married in Canada and the pics were published but I mean he's still young, I'm not sure about his age but he must be no more than 21 and at that age it's ike almost impossible to find real love especially if you're gay and famous. I'm not keen on their music because it's really cheesy (Not that I'm a music expert) but they were just the band that Mexican teenagers needed, their show talked about sex and drugs so it was really obvious they'd be famous.

Another important event on this day was that since cooking lessons disappeared from the list of activities of my school I had to sign up for acting (The most acceptable one after cooking lessons), I think it's also nice and I can also learn from that but anyway what made this first class a bit crappy is that when the teacher was talking about us the profile of an actor he said "Sometimes we have roles that are not related with us and that can make us feel ashamed but we always need to be sure about what we're doing; just as if I was asked to play a GAY character" ... there's nothing wrong with being gay, he should be ashamed for having a racist attitude towards a minor group indeed.

Extreme luxuries...

2007-02-28T18:04:00.000-08:00

As I posted a few weeks ago someone in my school stole all of our final exams and sold them to lazy pupils that don't study, well today I was talking with a friend and he told me about one of our class mates who spent about $800 dollars and another one who spent $1,200 dollars just because they bought all of the exams !!

Money is something we all need, some people are wealthy others are not but what my friend told me just made me think it must be horrible to have that much money that you just buy everything in life in a dishonest way, I mean exams are not the worst thing in life and besides that it's something we have to do if we go to school just to prove what we LEARN not how much can we spend.. these kinda things in life are the ones that make me feel happy about being a "mature" one instead of being a spoilt or silly one like most of my school mates, even if being too mature isn't that nice for most people I think it's better at least better than being a spoilt kid who has everything.

So... I'm affraid girls :S hahaha

2007-02-24T12:04:00.000-08:00

As I said a few days ago yesterday I had my interview with the Uni psychologist and I have to say it wasn't as bad as I expcted it to be.

As you might already imagine I talked with her about my personality but not focusing on the sentimental side, we talked about my "friends" who just care about getting drunk and exchanging gossip just to talk about other people so she realised that I was doing the correct thing by not hanging out that much with them but at a certain point she told me "You're just too mature you have to go a little bit down - stop being so mature ?- or go a little bit up by finding friends who are older than you, just make sure they're real friends but don't remain the way you are right now", I must say those words were a bit harsh for me because well I don't think my personality is wrong I mean I like the way I am but well maybe she's right, she's a psychologist after all.

I think everything was ok until she asked me "Have you ever had a gf?" and I replied with a big smile "NO" haha so she started to question me about it and I said "Well it's just that right now I'm not interested in having a gf because I've learnt that you need to know yourself first so that you can be loved afterwards" and silly excuses that I thought about while I was there because I really didn't want to tell her I'm gay so after more questions about it she told me that I'm affraid of going out with girls because I fear I might start a relationship with them and stuff like that so I just said something like "OH well I dunno I just don't want a gf right now" and she said "Just stop being so strict with your persnality and invite that girl that fancies you to the movies" (I told her about this girl who has been "stalking" me during the last weeks 'cos she likes me) aand I just said "Oh ok " but of course inside I was just thinking "Why can't u just guess I'm gay so that u stop saying all those things"

LOL I wonder how could Mr. Young bear all that pressure b4 he came out

Fingers crossed!!

2007-02-23T07:39:00.000-08:00

So I have already presented my Uni exams and I didn't do excellent nor bad either, I think I did worse on maths exam because we only had 1hr 30 min to answer it and it was on the PC but I thought they would tell us when 10 min were left but they didn't tell us so when I was trying to solve one of the difficult problems on a sheet of paper suddenly I looked at the PC screen and my answers had already been sent because the time was over but I didn't know they would be automatically sent when time was over so I didn't even have time to to choose one of the 5 options (It was a multiple choice exam) even though I didn't know the answer for some problems anyway when I finished that session I started to talk with a friend and he told me there was a clock on the top of the screen telling you how many time you had left but I was so nervous that I never saw that clock!! I felt so bad that night that I couldn't sleep 'cos I felt like a jerk but anyway it had already happened so I couldn't do anything to turn back time and after all I'm not that stressed anymore 'cos it was only an exam to show your Maths knowledge so if I'm accepted I think I'll have to go to extra classes 1 week before Uni strts which isn't that bad 'cos it'll help me to start knowing my future class mates.

In a few hours I'll have an interview with the Uni psychologist and this is also important 'cos it will show them the kinda person I am and it'll also help them to see if I can be a future student. The same day I presented Maths exam I also did a personality test which talked about religion and I didn't answer any of those options but nowthat I think about it I'm gonna tell the psychologist that I didn't answer those questions '0cos I didn't have enough time 'cos maybe if I tell her I don't have a religion she'll think there's something wrong with me and she could tell my parents about it and that wouldn't be good, I also thought about expressing my current situation (Being a lonely gay) but now that I think it over I wo't tell her about that either 'cos well it's not 100% secure and I don't want to risk my future just because of that.

Anyway I ope it all goes ok 'cos my only hope right now is to be accepted!

Stress is back !

2007-02-16T22:33:00.000-08:00

I returned from my holidays this Monday feeling really relaxed and fresh but that didn't last that long, as soon as I received the study guide for University exam it was all over.

Maybe the exam isn't difficult at all but I have to remember most of the math topics I saw during the last 5 years of school which isn't that good but after thinkning about it I realized its better to answer just what I really know instead of memorizing a lot of stuff which I'll forget in a couple of weeks because my career will depend on that "knowledge" so I prefer to take extra classes about the topics I need to review again. Anyway I'm really stressed because I really want to pass the exam and since I'm a nervous guy it isn't easy to handle all this stress, hehe I would give anything just to be able to fast forward time but nah.. it's not possible so I'll have to carry on with my stressed life for some days until I present the exam which is also really important for me because it's the first time ever that I present an exam which isn't part of my all life school so it's a bit nerve wracking. Hopefully everything will go the right wayand of course I'll do my best to prepare myself for the exam.

I'm back and.. free!! haha

2007-02-13T11:11:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, as the title of this topic says I'm back lol before anything else I must say I had a nice time yesterday when I was reading the comments you left while I wasn't here, thatnks a lot I really appreciate them. I wanted to post about my trip yesterday but I didn't really had time, I had to unpack all the clothes I bought (I still need to put them in my closet :P) and well I felt tired and since I wanna post most of the things that happened to me I decided to wait until today; I decided to post all those things in different paragraphs so that it isn't that boring even though this will be a long post anyway. So here we go;

The flight/my arrival

When my parents left my in the airport I was really nervous and lol since my mum is just like me she kept telling me to be careful with the forms I had to fill in whenI arived and blah blah so she made me feel even more nervous but well at a certain point I decided to stop listening to her 'cos otherwise I'd die of a heart attack haha. Everything went right with my luggage so I didn't have any problems so we started to get into the air plane, I really enjoyed the flight but at a certain stage during the flight I felt a bit dizzy and went to the bathroom just to relax a bit anyway after 2 hours of flight we arrived to Houston and as the airplane was landing I really enjoyed the view from my window seat especially because the sun light was reflected in most of the pools that some houses have so it was nice. We arrived to the airport at 2:00 pm and I registered immediately so that I could pick up my luggage afterwards and finally meet my cousin but when I was registering I was asked loads of questions about my previous visits to the US and of course I answered with the truth but well there was something wrong (I didn't even know about that at that time) so I was "slowed down" and followed a police woman who took me to a room in which there were people from all over the world (Africa, UK, France, Mexico, China, Korea :S) so I started to guess there was something wrong but didn't have a clue about it anyway most of the people that were there when I arrived had already left the room after the first 3 hours!! and new people had arrived. I must admit I was scared at all because I had no idea about why was I there, at 5:00 pm a police woman asked me to go to the front and started to interview me, she asked the same questions I was asked b4 (When I arrived) and I answered the thruth again, after that she told me to sit again and I asked her what was going to happen now and she told me "You're going to have an interview with an officer about your previous trips to the US" so I asked her how long would that take (By that time I had been there like for 3hrs. 30 min and I had no clue about what was wrong so I was frustrated and nervous especially because my cousin called 2 times and I was never allowed to use the telephone because I was under arrest!! :S ) and she replied "A couple of hours" so I was scared and took seat again. Another hour, or something like that passed, and I was finally called by an Asian police man, I entered the interview room and he warned me about lying 'cos there was a camera and a microphone and again the same questions were asked and I replied the same and started to give my explanations, I told him it was the first time that I traveled alone and all that stuff but he didn't care he started to tell me he would send me to jail and that my Visa (Like the American passport for people who don't live in the US) was going to be cancelled, he also told me I was too young to lie and stuff like that, he made me feel like trash! he also asked me to show him all the stuff that was inside my pockets and stuff like that. I couldn't stop shaking and feeling just like punching him but of course I controlled my emotions and I always replied in a polite way after 40 min of questions he told me he was going to send me to Mexico and thatI would go to jail (By that time I didn't care about that, all I wanted was to get out of there, I didn't care about my money or my trip) he asked me to go and search for my luggage and he told me he would wait for me in a certain point, after 20 min I found my luggage but he wasn't there anymore! so I had to talk with another police man and he took me again to the interview room and the Asian officer opened my bag, he checke it in a rude way he throw all my clothe to se if there was soemthing wrong but once again everything was in order so he asked me the sae questionsonce again and then told me to get out of his office so I took a seat again and waited like for 40 min again, by that time I was so tired that sometimes I couldn't help falling asleep but I tried to be strong especially because I was starving and I also wanted to cry but I just couldn't do it.

After that happened an American officer started to interview me this time, he told me it was like a trial and he warned me again about not lying and blah blah so again I replied the same because it was the truth but the thing is that dutring one of our previous trips my parents forgot to return the permission papers they give you so that u can stay in the US for a certain time so when we returned to Mexico they relaised about it and they returned them 1 year and a half later whenone of my aunts traveled but I had no idea about that, I just remmebered something like that had happened and I metioned it everytime I was iterviewed but it was worthless. So they checked their systems and those said I had been living in the US for one year and a half (The time that passed until my aunt returned those permission papers) but of course I had no dam clue about it especially because my mum was in charge of all our documents during all our previous trips but well they said that I was lying, that my English level was really fluent and it showed I had been studying in the US for that time because of my level. I explained them I had never stayed in the US for more than 2 weeks and that I had never visted a school in the US but they said I was lying so well I was almost sure I'd retunr to Mexico that day and that I'd go to jail but since I was really desesperate by that time I really didn't care, all I wanted was to get out of that place. So after the interview the American officer called my cousin and she told him the same things I had said previously but they still didn't believe us, the officer told me he deals with Mexican people everyday and that he knew how was the level of English taught in Mexico so he said mine was almost perfect and that was because I had been living in the US for 1 year and a half, I denied it because of course it's not true but again he said his systems were telling him I was lying so then he told me we would call my parents but I didn't know how to dial and he didn't know either so we tried like 5 times and it didn't work soI told him we could call my cousin and she could tell us hot to dial to Mexico so we phoned her again and she told the officer the correct phone number and after some minutes my parents contacted the offcier but of course while they talked I stayed outisde of his office. When he finished talking with them he allowed me to talk with them so that I could prove I was ok but of coruse I was as scared as a chciken!. When I hanged up he told me to go outised again and wait for him until he finished checking my papers, after some minutes he called em again and told me I was free and it was not my mistake so he couldn't blame my parents nor me for that.... it was all a confusion!!

I couldn't believe it was all over when he told me I was free, I didn't feel excited 'cos I was exhausted I mean I spent there 7 hours without knowing what was wrong and I was starving and sleepy. The whole "tragedy" ended 7 hours after I had arrived to the airport, I was out at 9:00 pm and the husband of my cousin was waitng for me there, we arrived to their home and my nephews and cousin were waitng for me so we just had a quick dinner and then I went to bed but I wasn't able to sleep, I couldn't believe I had gone thorugh all that on my own, I felt in a certain way proud because I dealed with it without my parents being there so it felt like I was already an adult! anyway I finally got some sleep and I even dreamed about the officers!

Shopping

The next morning after I arrived I woke up and was all alnoe because the husband of my cousin had gone to his job and my cousing took her kids to school so I took a shower and then when she returned I had breakfast with her and after that she took me to the mall (At 11:00 am approximately) and told me she'd be back at 4:30 pm!! LOL but I loved it 'cos I was able to visit all the stores I wanted to visit and to try all the clothes I wanted to without any hurries. When she picked me up my arms were tired as hell because I had bought loads of things and I had to carry them as I visited every shop and whenever I used the fitting rooms but of course I didn't complain about that 'cos I was getting things I wanted LOL the rest of the week was the same way, She'd leave me in the mall around 11:00 am and picked me up at 4:30 pm or 5:00 approximately so I felt like I was in heaven 'cos I could get everything I wanted haha but of course my arms and feet were almost dead :P.

Some days while I was in the mall I'd take some "breaks" by sitting on a bench like for 20 min so that I could continue shopping again, but it was funny and nice especially because most of the employees from the stores I visted already knew me so everytime I entered I'd just tell them "Hello I'm back again" or they would stare at me like saying "Don't u get tired of doing this" haha. Of course I saw LOADS of hot men/teenagers who wroked in the shops and helped me to get what I was looking for but well none of them made a move to let me know they're gay so I didn't try either because I knew it would be worthless actually sometimes I think I was too nice when I talked with them that they just replied "Yes" or "No" but well I'm a nice guy by nature and well some of them were really cute so I did my best :P.

I also saw loads of cute guys who were also buying stuff or just wandering around but the problem is that most of them were with a girl which showed me they were str8 and from time to time I also saw nice men walking but after some seconds thier kids appeared so I knew they were married :P I don't think it's a bad thing 'cos well my intention wsnt really to find someone who's gay but of course it would've been nice, anyway even if I found someone it wouldn't had been that cool 'cos I stayed there for 1 week so by now it all would be over.

Here are some pics of the mall, I took them on Friday just after I bought the memory stick for the camera and unfortunately I don't appear in any of them because while I was there I was on my own so I could only take pics not appear in them, I thought about asking my nephews to take some but to make things even worse the battery was flat so whenever I took a pic I just turned it on quickly to shoot it and after is was saved it would turn off, anyway I hope u guys like them:

(The first 4 ones were taken outside the mall while I was waiting for my cousin to pick me up, the whole concept of the mall is really nice because it's as if you were in the wood, the last one was taken in the bedroom where I stayed while I was there u can see some of my acquisitions haha)

Music

Before traveling there I checked the webs of some stores which sell CD's and I did find some Steps albus as well as Spice Girls ones (US versions of course) but when I visted those store they didn't have them, the only thing I could do was to roder them but that would take like a week and a hlaf and I didn't do that 'cos can make it here on amazon.co.uk so I felt a bit sad and find it a bit weird especially because I found some A*Teens albums which are as old as Steps albums but anyway the only music acquisition I got was Natasha Bedingfield's DVD live in New York which is only sold in the US at the moment because of her success over there.

In other news I was on cloud nine the first day I went to the mall because the first store I visited was Abercrombie and they're always playing like a medley which comes on a CD which is distributed to all their stores and after some minutes I entered the store "Something Kinda Ooooh" by girls Aloud stared to sound and I couldn't help singing it haha, 100 minutes later "Red Dress" by the Sugababes was also played and I got excited once again, I returned 2 days later and that time they played "Feels so Good" by Atomic Kitten!! haha I was really happy but not that excited 'cos it had already happened to me a few years ago when I was in san Antonio Texas and I entered to GAP they played "Fool No More" and "Whereever Your Heart Beats" by S Club 8 so I already know how it goes, the DJ's in charge of the music for stores knows the artists but it's not that they're promoted in the US or something like that.

Movies

While I was there I saw loads of movies because after my cousin picked me up from the mall we took my nephews to their tennis classes (They have been practising for more than 5 years) and we would spend there the rest of the day. I only played with one of them the first day but of course I sucked haha, the rest of the days I stayed in their vehicle watching movies (They rented oone every day haha) and on Sauturday and Sunday I went to the movies with my cousin and her husband so here's a short review of the movies I saw:

"The employee of the month" - This one was really nice and unny, of course it's the typical American movi but it was nice, I enjoyed it a lot especially because one of the characters is gay and there is a scene in which he's alone in his office and his palying with 2 Ken dolls (Barbie's husband) dressed up as police afficers and he sayas "Have u ever thought about kissing a man?" and the reply of the other one is "Yes" and when he's about to make the Kens kiss someone enters to his office so he dropped them to the floor, this was nice for me because as a kid I also played with Kan dolls and that scene made me remember I also had some fantasies with thme!! but of course it wasn't anything erotic, u know just attraction 'cos at that age I didn't even know about sex.

"Elsa & Fred" - This Spanish movie is really really nice because it relates the story of an old widower man and an old widow woman who are neighbours and start to fall in love as the movie develops, I thnk it's nice because well one of my bigges doubts in life about real love is how does it happen with old people and well this movie shows me that no matter your age love is a feeling you can always feel as long as you're mature and wlel it just made me feel nice 'cos I've always been scared of not finding real love.

"The messenger" - I can't exactly remember the title of this one haha because in my opinion is crap! because it's the typicl "horror" movie which relates the story of a family that moves to a haunted house in the country, the teen girl sees the "ghosts" or spirits and their parents don't believe her until one day her mum sees one and in the end everyone is happy and they have a happy life, I really think it's a crap movie because I could guess each and every thing that happened of course I got scared because of the typical horror moments which include silent periods interrupted byt a scream and stuff like that, I do't have much to say about this one.

"Babel" - I really enjoyed watching this one because the strory is really original and even though at a ceratin point my ass was hurting because it lasts a lot I really enjoyed, a part of the movie happens in Mexico and when the fist scenes appeared I really started to laugh because of the way they show life here. Of course it's real but it's not as if the whole life is like that but in the end I undersood the dierctor focues in that aspect because it's somethng that helps you to understand the other events which happens in the "mini stories" that the movie talks about. I have to say I liked it, when it was over I had loads of questions in my head about what happened with some people but after all I got the commmn idea of the movie which is to focus in the different ways in which people can live a tragedy.

"In her shoes" - This movie was also a nice one, in the beginning I felt it wouldn't be a good one because it starts with one of the main characters (Cameron Diaz) having sexual relations with different partners but when the movie finished I realised those scenes helped me to understand the whole movie which talks about 2 sisters who have opposite personalities and don't have a close relation but in the end they end up as best friends 'cos they are "untied" by blood. This one made me think about my realtionship with my brother but well maybe right now we're still young to experience those things so our situation won't change that much.

For those of you who dared to read all my revire let me say thank you, believe me guys I didn't want to make it that boring but well I just wanted to post the things that were more important for me, of course I could type much more but nah.. that will only reamin in my mind.

See you in one week!!

2007-02-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

So as I posted it earlier tomorrow I'm going on holidays to Houton Texas so while I'm there I don't think I'll have time to post here nor to have "net life" but well in a certain way it's ok 'cos it's good to take a break. As soon as I'm back I'll try to post everything about it and hopefully I'll post some pics as well. The thing is that my brother, mt clever brother, lost the memory stick of our webcam yesterday while he was in apub so now I'll try to see if I can find a new opne over there so that I can take pics.. it's a bit sad 'cos I really wanted to take pics but well hopefully I find a new memory stick which will alow me to take some so that you guys can see how it was like!

So hope you all have a great time and see u soon!!

My celebrity Look-alike!

2007-02-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

Not that bad in my opinion:

http://www.myheritage.com

I can't believe it

2007-02-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my dad received my credit card on his mail, when he arrived home and told me about it I was really excited, I really couldn't believe it but it's real! and I got even more exctited when I realised I'll be able to use it next week while I'm in Houston but of course I know it requires a lot of responsiblity.

Of course it was really nice knowing that but in a certain way I felt really weird, in a bad way, about it because before it all happened we were really mad at my dad because we were waiting for him to have lunch and it was 5:30 pm and he hadn't arrived, when he wanted me to go to the kitchen with him I even told my sister I would be really serious with him to show we were mad but of course when he showed me the credit card I couldn't act that way because well.. it's the first time I have one and I thought he wouldn't keep his promise but then I got to think I would feel awful if my dad is trying to compensate his absence with these kind of things such as a credit card or buying me a CD/DVD.

Some random pop facts..

2007-02-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

My last topic inspired me to post some pop facts which I consider quite cool, maybe some of you already know them but I just think they're cool so I'll post them anyway.

1. Lovely Emma Bunton wrote a song for the 2nd album of S Club 8 "Sundown"which reached the top 20 (Not that bad cansidering that pop started to vanish in that year, 2003), the song is called "One Thing I know" and it's really catchy, it's not a surprise it sounds as a track from Emma's 2nd album "Free Me".

(S Club 8)

2. Pop diva Kylie Minogue also decided to help Atomic Kitten by writing a track for their 2nd album "Feels So Good" which topped the charts at the same time that their "Tide Is High" was also topping the official singles chart. The track is called "Feels So Good" as well and it's really funky, one of the highlights of the album indeed.

(Kylie Minogue)

3. Emma Bunton's first solo album, after Spice Girls went their separate ways, was released on April 16th 2001 reaching number 4 in the official album charts; one year later on April 16th 2002 S Club Juniors released their first signle "One Step Closer" which reached number 2 in the official singles chart.

(Emma Bunton)

4. Rachel Stevens first solo single "Sweet Dreams My LA Ex", written by Cathy Dennis, was supposed to be a Britney Spears song because it describes her relationship with Justin Timberlake but since she didn't accept it it was offered to Rachel who made it chart at number 2 giving her an excellent start as a solo artist.

(Rachel Stevens)

5. Sugababes member Heidi Range was once part of pop trio Atomic Kitten (Considered Sugababes rivals). It all happened when Atomic Kitten started back in 1999, she left the band the same year because she didn't want to sing that kinda songs.

(Heidi Range)

Pop clones !

2007-01-31T10:57:00.000-08:00

I think this is quite amazing, maybe because I'm a huge fan of the ladies posted above or because I like funny coincidences in life.

Anyway for a long time now I've been thinking that the 3 of them, Lindsay Lohan, Lisa Scott-Lee (Steps) and Natasha Hamilton (Atomic Kitten) , are almost like clones which is quite amazing considering that Natasha and Lisa are form the UK and Lindsay if from the US.

Sometimes their hair styles or their make up makes them look a bit different but if you look carefully you can notice they've got similar eyes, noses and smiles not forgetting the shape of their heads is similar and also it is important to mention that the 3 of them are ginger but of course just like almost any artist does it nowadays they have dyed their hair.

Myabe the only difference they have is that Lindsay was never able to get high chart positions in her country nor in other parts of the world while Natasha's band , Atomic Kitten, and Lisa's band, Steps, had great chart success all over the world.

Quite random, I know, but I've always wanted to comment it with someone but over here no-one knows Natasha or Lisaso I thought it would be nice to post it.

Lindsay Lohan Lisa Scott-Lee Natasha Hamilton

Dunno if this is good or bad..

2007-01-29T16:03:00.000-08:00

Last night I was watching "Titanic" movie with my parents and my sister and I guess it made me realise how much I've "grown up" since the last time I watched it (3 or 4 years ago) because during some parts I really felt like crying since they were too sentimental, I think, just like the part in which Rose decides to abandon the rescue boat because she wants to find Jack and stuff like that. Maybe this doesn't show I've grown up a lot but at least I think it's a way of demonstarting myself I'm more mature and well yeah that in a certain way I have developed my feelings and I don't really know if his is good or not because I remember one of my teachers said a few moths ago that if we were sentimental we should flaunt it without being ashamed but well I'm not that sure about that because if I had decided to cry whenever I felt like crying last night my parents and sister would've thought I'm a weak guy and well that's not bad I know but in my situation it can be bad because of the society I live in.

Something I can tell you for sure is that it isn't nice to have that feeling of crying when you're not able to cry, you feel like something is pushing your chest and you can't let your tears out which isn't that easy. Last night I felt it and yeah I didn't let my tears out but during some parts of the movie my eyes would get tearful and I would just rub them as if they were itching so that no-one noticed it so I don't really know if it's good that I'm a sentimental guy or not because I always need to hide it but on the other hand I like it because I know that if someone loves you he will be there for you when you need it and he won't let you down (In case that it is your bf) which is something I find really nice.

Holiday... Celebrate !

2007-01-27T12:39:00.000-08:00

So as I posted on my previous entry I'm going to travel to Houston ,Texas, to visit one of my cousins who lives there. She moved with her family a long time ago just like one of my aunts did as well and they're already American citizens, anyway my cousin has 4 kids LOL after having the first one they wanted a girl and tried it for the 2nd time but they had a boy again and then they decided to try it for the 3rd time and 2 boys were born (They're not twins, I dunno the exact term) so they gave up. I think I'm gonna have a great time 'cos well even though my nephews are younger than me (The oldest one is like 12 years old) it'll be interesting to get to know the American life for real especially since they're not having days off school like me, all of them are sports lovers and play tennis too so when my dad talked with my cousin he told her that I had started to take tennis classes but of course I'll tell her that I've only taken 2 or 3 lessons 'cos I'm not looking forward to playing tennis while I'm there. You might be a bit schocked at the fact that my cousin is already a mother but no, she's not one of those young mothers it's just that my dad's family is quite big. They're 7 siblings so of course the sons of the oldest ones are already married men/woomen.

I'm really excited about this trip 'cos it'll be the first time that I travel on my own so I'll have to pay attention to all the airport regulations and indications so that I don't get lost LOL but I think it's great 'cos it's a way of showing my parents I can do it on my own which might help me to grow up a little. I'm also quite excited about it because anytime I travel to the US with my family we always go on a shopping spree since we can find great cltohes and stuff over there so this time I'll do the same but without my parents hehe and if I'm lucky enough I'll receive the credit card that my dad requested for me before I go.

I'll go on February the 5th and I'll return on February the 12th and unfortunately during that time I won't be able to upload my blog nor to be on MSN because well I can't let my nephews know that I have a blog 'cos they'll visit it anytime and they can find out all the things I hide and if I delete the cookis they'll realize something is wrong so it's better not to give them any clues but anyway I primise I'll upload all the details as soon as I return and also I'll try to take pics so that you guys can see how it was like.

Here's a map where you guys can see Mexico city and Houston:

P.S. The title of this topic was inspired by Madonna's song "Holiday" :P

Isn't internet wonderful?

2007-01-25T20:34:00.000-08:00

Today I had a really hectic day because even though exams are over I still needed to give all my University documents to one of the members of my school staff so that she could send them to the University, after paying the price of the exam on the bank my dad and I returned to school to leave the papers there. Anyway after that we returned home and we started to search all the documents I need to present in order to renew my Passport but by that time we were already a bit annoyed because of all the University stuff so I came up with the idea of searching for the Passports requirements on internet, when I found them we started to check we had everything in order but we were missing 2 forms which we were supposed to find in the bank and the Public Relations offices but once again I was able to find them online so I only printed them and we filled them in but after that we needed to go to the bank again in order to pay for the Passport renovation so once again we went to the bank and payed the ammount required, after that we went to a photo studio 'cos we also needed 3 pics for the Passport and when we had all the requirements we found out that the Public Relations offices had already closed so we decided we'll go tomorrow but the strory didn't end there. After that we wanted to book a flight 'cos I'm going to visit the part of my family that lives in Houston U.S. and I thought about checking the flights that were still available online and once again the net saved us form visitng the airport. LOL this might be a bit random but believe me right now I'm tired as hell because of all the places we visited and if we hadn't been able to check some information on internet I would be even more tired because we would have had to go to more places. So after all internet isn't that bad :D

(This image is supposed to represent the web :P)

My latest music acquisitions

2007-01-25T20:10:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday we went to a mall because my brother wanted to get his new wrist watch to be fixed and since I was really stressed because I spent last week studying for my exams I told my parents I would go to the CD store while they went with my siblings and my grand mother to get my brother's wrist watch fixed. I was getting a glimpse of theit new arrivals and as usualyl I only found National or American artists so I decided to search for any Emma Bunton albums but to my surprise I found a promo that Bananarama released last year of their album "Drama" , I was really excited 'cos as you might know they're not known over here (My parents used to know one or two songs by them but that was some years ago before they refromed as a duo) so I told my grand mother about it and she offered me to buy it and at first I said "No" but as usually she didn't accept that as a response so I ended up buying it, after that we had lunch at her house and my dad suggested me to play the cd she had just bought me. I wasn't sure about that 'cos well since most of the songs are remixes I thought they would get bored of them but surprisingly we all enjoyed the album which was kinda nice.

Also yesterday I received my copy of Atomic Kitten's DVD "Greatest Hits Live @ Wembley + 18 GH Videos" and I have to say it's absolutely amazing, as I was watching it I couldn't help feeling excited and I even danced and pretended to be singing with the remote control (As usually :P) it's an amazing concert but anyway not everything was perfect. When I started to watch it my sister was with me because she also likes Atomic Kitten (Not a fan though) and as soon as the second perfromance started they camera showed 2 male guys singing and moving to the beat of the song and I was tempted to tell her "Hey look they're my clones" ('Cos I was as excited as those guys) but just before I said that she stood up and said "It's not possible!! goodbye" talking about how horrible it was for her to watch those 2 guys doing that and I was just thankful about not opening my mouth 'cos I dunno what could've happened. Anyway she left while the concert was still starting so I was able to enjoy watching all their male dancers doing their amazing dance routines (They're HOT).

A part of the real Charles was unleashed today!

2007-01-19T23:56:00.000-08:00

Today after I finished my exam I went to the house of one of my female friends because supposedly we would start to study for the exam that we have on Monday, all of them girls, none had thier notes complete and as usually I did have all the notes. Anyway as soon as we arrived to her home we started to talk with her mum about our childhood memories (All of us have studied in the same school since we were almost babies) and then two of my friends started to talk about the "problems" they have with their boyfriends, both of them think that they are cheating on them, so the mum of my friend and me started to give them a lot of advices and well both girls felt really comfortable talking with me that one of them hugged me and said it was really nice from me to act in that way (Something a guy's not supposed to do :P). I told them that they should always tell their boyfriends how do they feel and that they should value themselves, out talk was so deep that well I think at a certain point they kinda forgot about the only male there (Me) that they would say things like "Us, girls, ..." and well of course I wasn't mad because I know I'm not like any straight guy so it was ok with me and they didn't realize about that :P I think everything was ok until we were having lunch and they asked me who do I fancy, I felt really nervous and I said "No-one" but just before saying that I was about to say the name of a fit guy who also goes to the same school but thankfully my lips remained sealed, now that I think about I should've have invented I fancy a girl so that they don't suspect I'm gay because maybe I "showed off" my personality a lot today but well as far as I know they only think I'm a true gentleman and don't even think about me as a gay guy and at a certain point it's ok because one of them told me and another friend that she hates gay because "They're disgusting" and if she already suspect I'm gay she would've stopped talking to me a long time ago.
I think it was a nice experience because I really had a good time and we laughed a lot but over all I think I felt ok because I didn't have to preend to be a MAN as if I was with some of my male "friends".

About 2 weeks ago..

2007-01-19T23:16:00.000-08:00

I went out with some friends because the boyfriend of one of them came to visit her from Canada and I find that quite nice because even though a lot of people don't believe in long distance relationships I think this one is true even though they met on Hi5. At least I'm sure that both of them really like eachother and I'm sure he doesn't have another relationship in Canada 'cos I know him well and he's really nice and polite with all of us and well we talk on MSN often and he always tells me that he misses her not forgetting he's constanttly visitng Mexico because of that and of course she also misses him.

We went to a touristic place called "El castillo de Chapultepec" (Chapultepec's casttle) which is also a National Museum of History because we all think we should visit touristic places when we go out with him so that he can get to know more aspects about Mexico but of course we also go out to normal places like bars or a mall. I think we all had a great time even though I was a bit bored since I had previously visited it because it was part of a school trip about 6 years ago (I remembered a lot of things). This trip was also interesting because since my friend's boyfriend already knew I'm gay he decided to tell her and he told me that day so it was a bit shocking but thankfully my friend was ok with it, of course my life is still the same and I haven't talked with her about that since we returned to school but well I know both of them want to help me. I think this was also good because well I was able to realize he really doesn't care about my sexual prefernces, lol he even asks me if I like a guy or an actor when we're alone and well I think that's nice beause he's not like every one here and well I feel confident when I'm talking about that with him but I still feel a bit ashamed when I talk about that with his girfriend (My friend) because of course she had always know the "straight" guy I pretend to be all the time.

Unexpected things in life..

2007-01-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I spent all day studying "Appreciation of Art" because even though it's not a difficult subject I had to learn all the clasifications of the plastic elements which can be found in an artistic creation (Painting, drawing, sculpture..) and that's not easy at all, I told my dad I wouldn't go to my tennis class because I needed to study and he said it was ok and that he would take it instead of me because he needed to improve some of techniques and wnated my teacher to help him.

I carried on studying and then my mum arrived, my dad and her were watching the telly and since my bedroom is next door after their bedroom I heard them talking and suddenly my dad told her that the scar of the last surgery he had like 4 months ago was opened and that he was feeling the same way he felt before the surgery so it also means that he could have the same problem again. Of course they didn't realize that I was listening to their talk but what I heard was awful because my parents won't tell us about this just like it happened 3 years ago when my dad got really sick and was about to die (My sister and I didn't know anything about it, we were staying with an aunt because my mum didn't want us to know it) and liek it happened 4 months ago, they decided to tell us about the surgery like 1 week before it happened. After a few minutes of hearing this I started to reflect about the situation and I couldn't help crying because as I told my school psychologist 4 moths ago we're not kidas anymore and my parents should know that they can tell us that kinda stuff especially because we are a family.

Then after that happened I started to think about some of my friends who have been stealing the final exams which we're presenting now and well since one of them proposed me to solve Maths one I decided to tell him I wouldn't do it because it wasn't correct nor honest. Maybe for some people this would be as easy as deciding wether to wear a cap or not but this little thing was in my mind like for 2 hours and in the end I felt happy because I had decided not to do it but to my surprise at 10:00 pm when I was just about to finish studying this guy called me and asked me if I had studied already and I said yes , he gave the phone to another "friend" who told me "Oh ok so you can solve the exam, we're about to visit you" but since he lives a bit far from me I thought they were just joking and carried on studying the last page of my notebook, 20 minutes later my mobile rang again, they were calling me again and they told me they were about to get to my home! I didn't believe them but suddenly one of them said "I'm gonna turn on the car lights" and when I looked through the window I saw them so I went out, they asked me to help them to answer the exam and well I said "Yes" becase I had no other choice I mean I couldn't lie by telling them I was not at home or that I had not studied because they already knew it so I went into their car (My parents were already sleeping so they didn't enter to my house) and we started to solve the exam and I relaized I had been studying all day for nothing because there were a lot of questions which the teacher didn't tell us to study and which I didn't study of course and the exam only had questions from the latest notes, I didn't have to study the frist ones (Which were the most difficult ones). When we finished they went away and I reviewed the things that I didn't study and which were part of the exam, I felt a bit guilty and when I told my sister ehs told me I was a jerk and that made me feel even more guilty, this morning I told my parents and they were ok with that at least they didn't get mad and when I arrived to school and presented the exam it was really easy but most of my friends were mad becasue there were a lot of questions which they couldn't answer because the teacher didn't tell us she would include them (Something that would have happened to me if I hadn't seen the exam last night). A friend of mine told me that he was told that some guys were selling the exams (I suppose the responsibles are the guys who visited me last nighht) and I felt a bit scared but now that I have thought about it I really shouldn't worry because it wasn't my intention and of course I didn't steal a single exam.

This made me think about all the decisions that we have to take in life; you can easily steal an exam and get a good grade but what happens if the principal discovers you? and also what could have happened if I had decided to follow my instincts when I heard about my dad's scar, I could be in the hospital now because I felt so dissapointed about my parents hiding it that I thought my life wasn't worth enough but of course I clamed down and nothing happened. I really learnt to control my automatic instincts.

It's Friday!

2007-01-12T17:22:00.000-08:00

This week was really hectic for me because as I mentioned on my last post I did a lot of final projects so I would go to bed like at 12:00 a.m. and would feel tired all day because I have to wake up at 5:00 a.m. for school. On Monday I cut my finger while I was rushing to fold a cardboard and besides that I didn't suffer from another accident :P . Next week will also be a slow one because I'll have to study for my final exams.. so I'm just wishing this month is over so that I can be free from school.

Maybe this is kinda random but today I scanned a school advertisement in which I appeared some time ago; I appeared on the newspaper and even had my own huge advertisment on the roof of a hotel hehe.

Just one word.. stress!

2007-01-08T15:10:00.000-08:00

As I said on my last post today I returned to school and yeah it's was just like any average school day which involved this guy who's one of my "best mates" bothering and laughing at me with another guy, interested people asking what did I get for Christmas/Birthday and well that was just normal for me because it's always like that; the only bad thing about this is that since this is my last week of classes of this semester I have to handle in a lot of final projects which means my "net life" will be very reduced :( and to make things even worse next week final exams starts and they finish on Jan 23rd so all my "freedom" is gone right now. After my final exams I'll have some days off again (Like 1 month and a half) which is great but anyway right now it's time for me to focus on school; I've been able to do it fo the 2 previous High School terms so I think I'll be able to do it once again.

Holidays are gone !

2007-01-06T11:46:00.000-08:00

Yeah it's sad but true Santa Claus is gone and 2007 is already here and unfotunately thei Monday I'll return to school this MOnday which is a bit sad but well it's just school haha it can't be that bad. The good thing is that I'll only have classes during next week and the following week I'll have my final exams so it means that in 2 weeks and a half time I'll have holidays again :D

I hope you guys have had a nice time off your regular activties, life goes on so let's wait and see what happens this Monday when my school "come back" happens.

One of my favourite pics, Antony Costa (ex Blue member) doing a funny face.

Here's my certificate

2007-01-04T16:41:00.000-08:00

As I mentione dit on my Thursday, October 12, 2006 post I passed the 3rd level of the French exam DELF (Diplôme d'Etudes en Langue Française ), , today my dad picked up the certificate which I was supposed to get like 3 weeks ago in a ceremony organized by the French organization in my city which I wasn't able to attend due to the inappropriate date of the ceremony (Friday, 5:30 p.m.).There are 4 leves in this part A1, A2, B1 & B2. This time I passed B1 so I'm only missing the last level of this stage which is great because it validates your French lever all around the world. There is also another stage called DALF but that one is only for people who have like a supreme level and want to do something related with languaje like being University professors and stuff like that, so when you present that level you're examined in terms of your profession if you're a lawyer you need to read a lot of law books in French because your exam is about Law. I still don't know if I'll present DALF levels but right now I'm quite happy with what I have achieved.

What a lovely "surprise" !

2007-01-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

Today while I was quickly checking the "Small Talk" section on DenDen I read a nice title that syas "He Was The Only Gay In The Village..." so I decided to read the thread and to my surprise I discovered that gorgeous "H" from Steps is gay, I know it's not a surprise but it's still nice 'cos it's not easy to come out if you're an artist, it's always nice knowing that being gay isn't somwething weird. Here's what I found:

Former Steps singer reveals he's gay
(Wednesday January 03, 2007 03:44 AM)

Former Steps singer Ian 'H' Watkins has revealed he is gay as he prepares to enter the Celebrity Big Brother house. The Welsh singer-turned-actor, 30, is quoted in The Sun as saying: "I come from a small valley in Wales and it just wasn't the thing to do to be gay. It's a bit of a cliche - but I was the only gay in the village." Watkins, from Cwmparc in Rhondda Valley, told his family and friends about his sexuality when he was 21, but did not tell fans. He said: "I could never have done this (come out) years ago, never ... But I'm comfortable with who I am now and I want everyone to know." Since topping the charts as part of the cheesy pop band Steps, he has starred in musicals such as Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The Sun says Watkins will be joining other celebrities in the Big Brother house on Wednesday night.

Source : dotmusic.com

Gorgeous Ian 'H' Watkins

Happy b-day to me LOL

2006-12-31T14:22:00.001-08:00

Today is my b-day but since it's my 18th one my mum decided to make a party for me yesterday (Dec 30th) because not everyone in my family would have been able to come if we had celebrated it today (Yeah.. new year is more important ). I have to say I had a nice time especially because I haven't had a b-day party like for ages (We would "celebrate" it every year but just 'cos of new year :P); on my 15 th b-day we were on holidays so I only had a "petit comité" with my family and my aunt and uncle who live in the US so this time I really enjoyed my b-day despite the fact that one of my uncles, a lawyer, wouldn't stop looking att my clothes and even asked me where did I buy them and which was th prize of my jacket but I'm used to that because most of my friends are also like that.

TBH I didn't expect a lot of presents but I did get money, Ferrari's "Black" lotion (Which smells really nice), a wrist watch and Scissor Sister's abum "Ta-Dah" (This one was a nic egift 'cos a cousing gave it to me but the things is that we don't have a friends relation I was quite happy when he phoned me and asked me which album did I want him to give me). Here are some pics with my family and my grand mother (She's like 92 years old ) , hope you guys like them.

My bamboos

2006-12-29T19:21:00.000-08:00

About 3 weeks ago my parents wanted us to this huge store where u can buy a lot of exotic and different furniture and home decoration because they were searching for some chair cushions for our dining room chairs so we went there and during our "trip" (The store has 3 floors) I saw some nice crystal flowerpots and I liked one which has a rare shape, as soon as we carried on with our "trip" I saw some nice bamboo's and thought they would look great on the crystal flowerpots I saw before so I asked my dad id I could buy 2 bamboos and a flowerpot and he said yes. I was a bit excited 'cos I have always wanted to have a bamboo plant in my bedroom since they look really nice and clean (according to my perception). When we arrived home I was still happy about it but felt a bit sad afterwards because I heard my parents talking about my acquisition, they thought it was strange just like my sister told me when I showed them to her. At first I was a bit sad because of this but after thinking it over I realized I shouldn't feel sad 'cos it's somehitng I have always wanted and I don't have to please them. Here are some pics I took this morning :

HOT pop males

2006-12-28T11:12:00.000-08:00

This time I decided to post pics about some sexy pop singers, not all of them had success with their bands but they're still sexy haha:
Dhani Lennevald: he was part of the Swedish pop band A*Teens who joined great chart success all over the world, since they went their separate ways he has released one single as a solo artist and has been a model. He's currently working on what will be his first solo album.

Glenn Ball: he was part of the British pop band POP! who got dropped after releasing 3 top 40 singles, they were a band with a lot of potential but they were created during the wrong time. Since they went their separate ways in 2005 he has been a dancer for Kylie Minogue, Sugababes, Crazy Frog among others he also started a project with a new boyband but he never carried on with it.

Will Young: this solo artist had to deal with a lot of pressure since he released his first record especially because the media made a big deal about his homosexuality, he's got an amazing voice and his latest album "Keep On" is brilliant. He recntly won Heat magazine best dressed man award.

Kevin Simm (Left) and Tony Lundon (Right): the 2 males from pop band Liberty X, Kevin has appeared in the reality show "The Games" and Tony used to be part of the Irish produtcion "Lord Of The Dance". Both of them have great bodies and despite the low chart position that their latest single "X" achieved they'll come back next year (Can't wait).

Shayne Ward: he wan X-factor last year, had a Christmas #1 single and a #1 album afterwards. His latest single entered the Top 20 which isn't that bad considering the difficulties that digital downloads have caused to a lot of artists. Supposedly he's working on new material and has a deal with Calvin Klein undies. Martin Rolinski: he's the lead singer of the famous Swedish dance-pop trio BWO (Bodies Without Organs originally) whose latest album was certified Gold in Sweden, he's got a nice voice and if you would like to see him wearing a nice swim suit while he sings just take a look at his latest video "Chariots Of Fire" (One of my favourite songs) which is really spontaneous and funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16DGzEb_Boo

Merry Christmas !

2006-12-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

Well today it's Christmas and of course I couldn't help thinking about posting a Christmas message, and even if not everybody celebrates it I think this is a nice time to realize about how special we all are no matter what. As usually I'll celebrate it at my grand mother's house (Mum of my dad) just like we do it every year and it'll be boring as usually 'cos all the family will talk about polictics, well-known people and stuff like that not forgetting I'll have to eat snacks that I don't really like because it's part of my education but anyway at least the Christmas memories that I have from when when I was kid will help me to remain happy while I'm sat on the couch talking about sensless stuff with my sister while my brother as usually will be trying to "fit in" among all our preppy dressed cousins.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

On my own

2006-12-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up and felt ok which was a bit nice because during the last days I had been feeling quite depressed and sad for many reasons but well I knew it wouldn't last that long especially because today it's Friday so most people go out, in this case I'm talking about my "friends" and my brother. Everything was nice until my brother told me that on Wednesday he saw a close friend of mine (Who also dressed up as a Wisemen, the one in the middle) at a pub where he always goes with his cousins (He only goes out with his cousins because only they have the same education that he has, as he told me once) so I told my brother that it makes me sick the fact that my friend only goes out with his cousins and I told him "I'm not like that .." (I didn't finish what I was going to say because it would be too weird for my brother) and he replied "Yeah you prefer to listen to S Club" (Making fun of my personality) and well it wasn't from hin but anyway in the evening I was online and my friend signed in and as usually he asked me "Are you going out today" and I replied "No" so he said something like "Just make sure that you don't commit suicide while your at home" trying to joke in a mean way because he knows that I'm not a party animal like my brother and I think this really made me feel sad because during the last weeks I had started to appreciate our "friendship" despite the fact that he's constanly talking bad about me becauuse "I'm too thin" "I don't read books besides the school ones" and stuff like that but todayhe really made me feel angry and sad and I thought about replying to him in a rude way but I didn't especially because Christmas is almost here. After a few seconds he told me that he was leaving and all I said said was "Have a nice Christmas, have fun". Maybe I should've replied to him in a mean way or maybe not but these kinda things always make me feel bad about my personality, I mean I am the way I am and I like it but sometimes it's also hard to be crtizised by your family and those who call themselves your friends.

I know this situation has made appreciate a lot of things in life that people don't usually apprecite because they never take the required time to think about them and it's nice because you get to develop your personality but at the same time it is a bit difficult from time to time because whenever I decide to shre my thoughts with my sister she thinks I'm crazy and at a certain point I understand her because as I said before not all people are able to see "invisible" things like a true happy moment or something like that.

Someone famous I can really relate to, Will Young who in a certain way also suffered, when at a young age when he became famous he accepted his homosexuality, because of his "different" personality. I love this pic, it's perfect in every way for me.

I'm an elf now :P

2006-12-21T18:09:00.000-08:00

A few days ago one of my cousins who is studying in Spain (She studied Architecture and is now doing some extra school stuff in Spain, just what I want to do in the future but the difference is that I want to move) sent me a funny e-mail in which she appeared dancing as an elf so I couldn't resist to "Elf myself" too. Here is the result:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=9adc5503a6b20f1ed58b80bG06121912

(Be a bit patient while it loads, it's worth it :P)

Atomic Kitten together again !

2006-12-17T12:57:00.000-08:00

It seems that the trio will be back for a concert which will happen on my 18th B-day !

Since they decided to take a break from being unarguably the biggest girl group in Europe, as well as being one of Britain`s most successful pop exports with massive chart success globally, it`s fair to say the pop scene has sorely missed Atomic Kitten. In the two and more years since the Kittens finished their sell-out arena tour, they`ve continued to work together on a number of projects and special events including releases of Cradle in 2005 and All Together Now in Germany in 2006 in support of the World Cup charities. But to bring in the New Year 2007, the trio are back with something even bigger. On December 31st, Nokia will welcome in the New Year in unique style, by connecting millions of music lovers from around the world as they count down the final minutes of 2006. Nokia New Year`s Eve, a global music event in five cities across four continents. Atomic Kitten are headlining the first of the series of concerts, in Hong Kong, with other global artists such as the Black Eyed Peas, Scissor Sisters and Nelly Furtado headlining the remainder taking place around the globe from East to West, in Mumbai, Berlin, Rio De Janeiro and finally New York

Source: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=102271705

I'm a Wisemen !

2006-12-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

Today I had a great time with two of my mates because about a month ago our principal asked us to dress up as the 3 Wisemen for primary school's Christmas festival which happened today. Since the day he asked us to do that I felt really excited because I have been studying in Argos (The name of my school) all my life and I immediately remembered how I used to feel as a kid during the Christmas festivals so I accepted. This week week we rehearsed out little roll like 3 days and every time a teacher saw us they would stare at us and wave because they remembered us or our brothers/sisters as their students so it was nice anyway something that made me feel even better was the fact that all the little kids (Especially Kinder Garden ones) would be amazed with our presence because they really thought that we were the 3 Wisemen so they would start to tell us things like "I would like to have an X-box 360° and an iPod", I felt really nice because I realized how innocent can kids be and it is something beautiful. In the end when we chenged clothes I couldn't stop thinking about it and I couldn't help feeling happy because in a ceratin way I put a smile on those kids faces just by letting them have a picture taken with me and my mates.

Here you can see a pic of us taken a few minutes before starting the event:

Of course we couldn't help having a laugh with out fake beards haha:

British Invasion !

2006-12-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

Today I went to the mall 'cos I needed to buy some clothes for my tennis classes and as usually I couldn't resist going to "Mix Up" which is a famous CD store over here in Mexico and I was really surprised 'cos I saw All Saints latest album "Studio 1" as well as Sugababes "Overloaded - The Greatest Hits. I didn't buy them 'cos they're "National" and that means they're sold as normal CD's not as imported ones so I can buy them later without worrying 'cos there are a few copies but this is strange 'cos no-one over here knows All Saints or Sugababes and the ones who know them is because they remember either "Pure Shores" or "Hole In The Head" which were famous over here when POP was popular back in 2001/2002 but I have to say it is nice to know pop acts are trying to bring POP to the top again, hopefully 2007 will be a better year for pop acts.

Congrats mum & dad !

2006-12-09T19:34:00.000-08:00

Today it was a special day for my parents because 23 years ago they got married!! That's really nice in my opinion because even though a lot of people think that almost all marriages (straight/gay) are not true 'cog after some time people stop"loving" eachother but I know my parents are not in that situation because well they have a steady relationship of course sometimes they have their little arguments but all of them are gone as soon as they hold their hands again; I know this can sound cheesy but I was able to realize about this because even though my parents are a steady couple today one of my mother's sisters found out that her husband is cheating on her and to make things even worse when my aunt asked about it my uncle just answered "I'm like that" and one of her 2 daughters told her "It really doesn't surprise me" so this makes me realize that even if people claim that certain things are impossible we can always make them possible.

A picture of Rihanna's single "Unfaithful" which makes me feel bad for my aunt who is such a nice woman.

L’homosexualité

2006-12-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

Today I learnt something quite interesting about homosexuality over here in America; and it is that the "Zapotecas" (An ancient culture from Oaxaca, Mexico, which I studied as a kid during primary school) used to accept homosexuality among men only if they practiced it before getting married; women were not allowed to practice it mainy because they needed to keep their virginity until they got married. Maybe this is quite random but I find it interesting because I could've never imagined that an ancient Mexican cuture could accept homsexuality.
I was able to discover this thanks to my French class because next Monday I need to present my oral exam and since we were asked to talk about a small society in the world me and one of my friends decided to talk about homosexuals; after telling out teacher that we were going to talk about that my mate started to fuss about it and tried to change his mind but I told him that he should not be ashamed of it because after all homosexuals are normal people just like anybody (Of course he doesn't know that I am homo but since I'm not ashamed of homosexuality I "fought" for my ideal)

Winter is here

2006-12-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

Today I was quite amazed when I looked outside the window of the living-room because just like my mum told me the grass was covered with a "rug" of leaves which fell of all our fruit trees .
Here you can see 2 pics that prove it; it is an aisle at the left side of our house which has fruit trees (fig, plum, peach, lemon and apple trees) that were seeded when our house was built 16 years ago and it leads you to the back garden.

X-mas decoration

2006-12-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned it before last Saturday I helped my parents to decorate our house with x-mas stuff and now I've been able to take some pics which are nice in my opinion, I know some people don't like x-mas at all but well I think it's a special time and I love it.

This years x-mas tree is not that tall but it looks really nice, most of the decoration was made by my mum; she loves cross-stitch so she decided to make a lot of cross-stitch trinkets for our tree. I remember she used spend most part of the previous years making different objects so that she could hang them on the tree each x-mas and as years passed she was able to create an assorted collection which includes angels, wrapped presents among others.

This crown was remade by my mum and me today, it was pretty much the same before but the corn leaves were all kinked and looked kinda dented so we removed them all and pasted some new ones, the slices of lemon and orange as well as the chilies we used are dehydrated so that they don't look horrible next year. It was nice doing this with my mum; especially because a lot of time had passed since I did something like that with her for the last time.

Holidays are almost here :D

2006-11-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

I haven't been able to post lately because I have been busy with all my school projects (which replace most of exams) and today I finally have some spare time to post here because the only exam that I needed to present before going on holidays (Statistics) was today; holidays won't start until Dec 2oth and I still have to handle in some projects as well dancing for my English class ("I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday" by Girls Aloud, chosen by the only guy who knows them..me :D) and singing for my French class ("Les Trois Grand Rois" :P) but those activities are not that difficult so I'm not stressed anymore and to make things even better tomorrow I won't have classes because we're going to have a new president (Felipe CalderÃ³n) who will replace the current one (Vicente Fox) after his 6 years term.

Could this be good?

2006-11-26T06:22:00.000-08:00

Yesteday while I was online I had my mobile beside me as it usually happens and well to my surprise I received a text message from a gay friend who lives in Mexico city (30 min of my city) and it said something cute like "Hey little boy hope you have a great week-end, I hope to see you soon, kisses" . I was really happy because it's the first time that I have that kinda "contact" with a gay friend, he has a boyfriend who also lives near and the 3 of us have agreed on meeting next year when I start Uni in Mexico city (I really hope I can pass the exam next Feb.) they're huge Spice fans which is nice because not a lot of guys are still fans over here. They're really nice friends and I can't wait to meet them.
On the other hand I also met another gay guy who lives in my city via Gaydar and well we talked on MSN for a couple of min. before I had lunch; we exchanged our mobile numbers as well and during the evening/night he tried to call me 3 times and he left two voice messages (Which I wasn't able to listen); I didn't answer whenever he was trying to call me because I was a bit scared not only because it would be the first time that I talk with a gay guy because besides that I don't know him and I'm not sure about his intentions I mean I don't have pics on my Gaydar profile and he has loads of naked pics of himself which makes me think he only wants to "use" me anyway I'm not sure about this so I'll talk with him next time he's online and I'll try to get to know him little by little, he's more than 20 (I don't know his exact age) I think that age difference is not an obstacle but well I'm not sure about his personality so I'll be really careful. I was really shocked when he tried to call me because since me and my sister were helping my parents to decorate our house with x-mas stuff I felt that 2 opposite parts of my world were crashing, the kid part which made me think about believing in Santa Claus and reminded me about all the times I've decorated our house with x-mas stuff in the past with my family and the grown-up gay part which is happening right now.

Lovely Will Young (Dressed in a nice winter outfit outside the studio where he reorded Band Aid 20 single with other artists in 2004) telling me to stop and be careful about meeting gay guys over here 'cos things are not always pink and mean people can cheat on me.

X-mas is almost here!

2006-11-20T11:44:00.000-08:00

Today my dad woke me up because he wanted us to have a tennis match but I said "No" because the weather is really cold over here; I don't even want to type but I always have things to do while I'm online so I can't do that. According to my parents this winter is even colder than last year's winter and at a certain point I like it because I really like x-mas weather but it would be nice if it could start a bit later; not since November!

Tomorrow I have tennis lessons again and I just hope that the weather changes because otherwise my legs will freeze :P

However x-mas is a nice time of the year and I love it, my b-day is getting closer (Dec. 31st) and I can't wait.

Tennis classes !

2006-11-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

Today I'm feeling really tired and my body is hurting a bit because I started my tennis classes started and well since I'm not used to do exercise it was a bit tiring but after all I think it's ok because I really felt relaxed while I was playing not forgetting that it also helps me to improve my physical condition.

I'm not a tennis fan or something like that but I decided to take classes because my school psychologist suggested that I should practice a sport in order to eliminate the stress I feel because of my sexuality problems and I think it's really useful especially because it frees your mind but of course it's not the solution.